The week that was: European Adventure

We’re back with our bland and plain (NOT) version of “The Week That Was”:- The European Adventure

Big Ears

Over the past two days (or past 2 nights if you’re in Asia), all of Europe’s top sides (no Liverpool then) were in action in the group stages of the prestigious Champions League, with varying degrees of success. Let’s take a look at some noteworthy results

1. Real Madrid 4 – 0 FC Copenhagen:

Real Madrid finally seemed to stir out of their Ozil induced misery and self pity as they ran out comfortable 4-0 victors against a youthful and highly inexperienced FC Copenhagen.

Goals from Ronaldo and Angel Di Maria lifted the spirits of the Madrid side as they looked to overcome the twin disappointments of a 2nd consecutive defeat in the Madrid derby and the stark realization that they have bought the wrong Welshman. (for the uninitiated, the foremost Welshman still plays in North London, except in the Red & White half of it).

Angel Di Maria gave a particularly scintillating performance. Everything good seemed to flow through him with 2 goals and 1 beautiful beautiful “rabona” assist for Ronaldo. Watching that “rabona”assist is guaranteed to give you a rabona. (heh). While Ronaldo was his usual self, making super human leaps as he continues to prove that gravity has nothing on him. What Ancelloti would really have been happy would have been with the performance of Modric. Luka gave a superb performance at the heart of the mid field as he kept ticking things over and changed the direction of play with clever cross field passes.

FC Copenhagen were never really in the game except for a header that was expertly saved by Modric on the goal line. One suspects they were very starstruck.

Highlights

2. Celtic 0-1 Barcelona:

Messi Impressionist

If I were a cliched sports headline write I would start with something like, “Brave Celtic go down fighting to Feigning/Cheating Barcelona” or “Celtic fail to smite Cheating Barca” or “Misery in Glasgow as bravery goes unrewarded” or… you get the gist.

Except I’m not so I will say on the outset, whatever you make of Neymar‘s simulation skills (and they are considerable) that kick (or attempted kick) was a RED card. No question about it.

A Messi-less Barca is the best Barca you want to be playing against (that is, if you have to play against them). Celtic employed the same “brave” tactics (euphemism for “We’re shit with the ball and We know it”) and almost got away with it. Except this time they forget to score. A minor detail but which proved important later on as Fabregas invoked the spirit of Pulis and snatched a victory for Barcelona. Fabregas may not be the kind of fan favorite at Barca as he was at Arsenal, but he’s probably the only player they have than can do a passable impression of Messi in the False 9 role.

Celtic were even more withdrawn than the last time around when they had run out surprise 1-0 victors in the same fixture. They missed Wanyama? Maybe. But what we witnessed was a very very one-sided match in which Barca ultimately resorted to route 1 football to win. (Pep must have shed a tear).

Highlights

3. Shakhtar Donetsk 1-1 Manchester United:

Hmm.. What would Zaha be upto back home??

United were coming off a wretched few weeks in the league – 3 defeats in the last 4 matches, including the massively humiliating capitulation at the hands of their “Noisy Neighbours”.

A sojourn then to Donetsk, Ukraine would in this scenario almost seem a God send. Battling severe criticism at home over his handling of the squad, Moyes seemed to have been dealt an even crueler hand as Rooney was injured in the training-the only player to show some kind of fight in recent weeks-and the only player to actively and publicly want to move away from the club over the summer (go figure). Kagawa was still relegated to the bench.

Things started well enough for them, as Fellaini deployed in a position far closer to RvP (who was laughably impotent upfront) United took the lead after taking some battering early on. However any optimism that taking the lead would sp*r (“spur”, sorry, just habitual) them on was completely misplaced as United just kept retreating deeper and deeper and deeper. Any deeper and they would have probably entered neighboring Russian.

Shakhtar managed to restore parity as Taison finally got just reward for his performance. Despite Shakhtar having lost a number of their talismanic players over the last few years (Willian, Mkhitaryan, Fernandinho etc) their play was exquisite and they must be kicking themselves for not taking the full 3 points.

For United, Moyes will take what he gets at the moment and he can use this result to bed in (pun intended) his only new signing and hope to build some of the elusive momentum.

While we wonder, what the inner child of the grey haired one’s is making of this. Hmm…

Highlights

4. Manchester City 1-3 Bayern Munich:

Barca resorted to route 1… Where did I go wrong????

The Bayern Munich of this season is a different beast to that of last season, or so it had seemed, until they displayed the same pin point potency and chilling German efficiency as they completely eclipsed the blue moon in its own backyard.

Completely outmatched, tactically and physically, it was embarrassing at times to watch as England’s most expensively assembled team looked bewildered, out of depth and frankly lacking quality. Yaya Toure was ineffectual and Fernandinho was run ragged as the Bayern team, led by the European player of the year Ribery, ripped into them. The final scoreline flattering City no end.

But honorable mentions must go to Joe Hart and Gael Clichy. For all of Munich’s domination, were it nor for those two we might have seen another result. While Hart continued to join the legions of of goal keepers who have failed to keep a clean sheet against Munich (Only Fabianksi has kept a clean sheet against them in the last 73 matches), Clichy came up with some kind of hitherto unknown defending technique as he first played a Munich player on-side and then proceeded to stand still and catch the best view of the goal that would be eventually scored. Hat doffed to Clichy.

There was enough time for some late drama as Negredo curled in absolute beauty to make it 3-1 and Munich went down to 10 men, but the game petered out.

City are just a few billion $$$ away from progressing to the knock stage me thinks. The highlights are worth watching just for Negredo’s amazing finish.

Highlights

5.Arsenal 2-0 Napoli:

And that’s how it’s done

Being drawn into the group of death i.e with Marseille, Dortmund and Napoli, Arsenal were wildly expected to suffer.

Despite sitting at the top of the Premier League with 5 wins out of 6. Despite losing one match in the last 21 competitive games (including a magnificent away win at Munich) and despite spending a record 42.4 million pounds in acquiring the services of Mesut Ozil, the foremost No. 10 in the world, Arsenal have been very functional. Less flair more grit. Less opulence and more determination. Less breeze and more back breaking labor. Napoli themselves were coming off a very assured run and having beaten Dortmund in matchday 1, looked set to beat Arsenal at the Emirates, which co-incidentally would have been Rafa’s first win at the Emirates.

Arsene would be having none of it. While celebrating 17 years in charge, his team selection massively hampered by the huge injury list, the footballing lesson dished out by his team to Napoli was on par to Bayern schooling City. Arsenal started with such intensity, drive and determination that the match was over within the first 15 minutes. As the famed @Zonal_Marking noted- while Arsenal were splendid, Napoli were just a bunch of hair cuts.

The spotlight though for a change wasn’t on Ramsey (who failed to score-Tom Clancy died. RIP), but on new boy Mesut Ozil – as his sublime first time pass into the goal was a sight to behold. While Giroud bullied the CB’s into submission, Arsenal’s mid field of all central mid fielders snarled all over the place. With the job done, they then shut shop inviting Napoli pressure-which never came. A performance for the ages. I order you to watch the highlights. Go on. You know you want to.

Highlights

6. PSG 3-0 Benfica:

Zlatan. ‘Nuff said

Highlights

7. Ajax 0-0 AC Milan:

The script was all about Balotelli in this one. Fresh from his first penalty miss of his senior professional career, he was tasked with taking one in the 90′+3rd minute and he took it extremely well. That’s now 22 out of 23 scored.

Ajax huffed and puffed but never really threatened except when they scored (duh) in the 90th minute. But the delirium and joy would prove to be short-lived as Balotelli with one of the most blatant of dives ever, Bale would do well to copy, won the decisive penalty.

AC Milan have fallen on hard times and Allegri seems to be on borrowed time, but investing their money, scarce now, in Balotelli is one of the smartest decisions ever made by them. They may lack the big names that for so long strutted their stuff at the San Siro, but the mentality of winning and winning ugly is still in abundance.

Highlights

8. Steaua Bucuresti 0-4 Chelsea:

Dragon Ball Z time…

Well the script is familiar. Mou brings back Mata from the depths. Displaying amazing foresight in finally starting last year’s Chelsea player of the year, who’s assists numbers are through the roof, he cemented his position as the “Special One”, as his team ran out rampant. Or something. Well if you are a Chelsea fan then anyway.

And let’s be fair, only Chelsea fans watch Chelsea play.

But if you insist, then here are the highlights.

9. Zenit 0-0 Austria Wien: