Transfer deadline day: All about super-agents, sensational swoops and raids

The most ‘sensational’ day in club football is apparently the day when the transfer window closes. Almost like Jose Mourinho smiling at Manchester United, it happens twice every season - once in the summer and once in the winter. Deadline day is when the transfer ‘window’ reaches its crescendo as managers, players, pundits, along with the entire football social media world, are excited.

What are they excited about? Well, it's not an actual football game that elicits the excitement. The goosebumps are about some emails being sent, some signatures being made, a few cringe-worthy photos being taken as new players are unveiled by desperate football clubs.

In the modern times, innovations in player unveilings include videos of players playing the piano. The traditional keepie-uppies with the football during the unveiling have also undergone an innovative change. Now players are invited along with their entire entourage to do keepie-uppies. Perhaps the biggest new innovation and trend in the transfer window is in the photo poses of the newly signed players. The chief amongst them are the photos taken in the “This is Sparta” pose made famous by Gerard Butler in the movie 300.

A fascinating thing about the transfer deadline day is that it has its own unique phrases and people. Besides the innovations in player unveilings, there are other unique aspects associated with the deadline day of the transfer window, some of which are outlined below:

#1 Super Agents

People who hunt for houses often end up meeting house brokers who act as a conduit between the seller and buyer. The house brokerage and football agent industries are similar. But there is one big difference that has appeared. While the house brokerage industry usually follows a standard commision based business model, the football agent industry is completely unregulated and free. Too free is what some football people would argue.

The biggest freedom is available with the super agents. Like Superman is more than a man, the football super agent is more than an agent. He is kryptonite to football clubs who don’t want to sell, the saviour to clubs desperate to reinforce squads on deadline day, and the golden goose for the footballer as his remit is to get them the best possible deal.

On deadline day, super agents become these creatures of myth and legend whose names seem to appear everywhere. Clubs who don’t want to sell are running away from them. Clubs who want to buy are constantly calling them. Players are like expectant children waiting and hoping for the gift of their choice.

#2 'Sensational' Swoops

Will Barcelona swoop for Paul Pogba?

Besides the shifting of players from clubs in exchange for money, the deadline day of the transfer window also involves biomimicry, a field about mimicking nature to come up with solutions to real-world problems. Clubs and the tabloids have taken biomimicry to the next level. Instead of signing players, clubs turn into some sort of eagles and ‘swoop’ for players.

The players apparently turn into rabbits and other forms of prey as clubs swoop in. Furthermore, all swoops must be described as sensational. Although we are not sure what will be the sensation felt by Manchester United fans if Paul Pogba moves to Barcelona on deadline day or by Tottenham Hotspur fans if Spurs fail to land even a single player before the closing of the transfer window.

#3 Raids

The Premier League begins on August 10!

#3 Raids

Transfer window deadline day is also about going back to the past and getting involved in warfare. On deadline day, clubs who need players try to ‘raid’ the clubs who have the players they need. A raid usually implies a rapid surprise attack on the enemy. The word is also sometimes used to describe sudden operations carried out by law-enforcement bodies to arrest individuals or capture illicit goods.

Imagine the CEO of a club dressed in full armour with sword and shield in hand arriving at the gates of a rival club and asking them to release the player of their choice. The use of the word ‘raid’ conveys something very exciting or sensational. The reality is probably much more mundane. A bunch of executives sitting in a conference room and sending emails or faxes with numbers detailing how much they are willing to pay for the player.

Deadline day with all its quirks and unique phraseology seems to be more about vivid poetry than grounded reality. In this author’s opinion, the sad part is that with every season, it becomes more and more predictable. But the great part about the 2018-19 season: The Premier League begins the very next day! Let the real show begin!