Kick Off — Look at the fans chanting. It’s a fine day for streaking people. I’m going to do it. NOW or NEVER!
0:16 — I’m going to just take off my shirt first and nobody will get the hint. Good lord, it’s freezing. NO. If I have to become a legend, I’ll have to face the consequences. Why the hell is this dude next to me looking at me like that? Weirdo, haven’t you seen a streaker before?
0:33 — Oh damn, no security at my section. THIS IS IT!!!
0:40 — Where’s my pitcher? Oh yes, found it! Let me finish this pitcher of beer first!
0:47 — Let’s do this.
0:51 – This dude is still looking at me. I’m going to punch him and then run on to the pitch.
0:53 — Bam! Hahaha! He’s knocked out cold and I’m doing it! I’M ON THE PITCH! I’M A STREAKER! YES! I DID IT! I HAVE ACHIEVED GREATNESS!
0:54 — MY PARENTS MUST BE SO PROUD!
0:55 — How in the hell am I running so fast? Usain Bolt got nothing on me.
0:58 — Oh damn! Security on the right. Cops are behind me. Oh hell, they’re all over the pitch. They are acting as if I’m a terrorist or something. I’m naked. Look, no bombs! Just a legend.
1:01 — Ok, time to pump up and run faster. Oh hell yeah, totally broke the ankles of the fat cop. The crowd is behind me now!
1:04 — Burn. Dude, totally got this security staff. But I’m feeling a little tired now. I’m slowing down too. What the….
1:06 — Wait, am I too drunk or is Rooney running towards me? Closing really really fast.
1:08 — Going to Yaya Toure, away from this Rooney fellow big time. COME AT ME, BUGGER! Oh! Oh god! My legs have given up! Hell!
1:11 — Run Forest Run! You’re gonna be on YouTube being chased by best striker in the world. Rooney. Come on!
1:14 — Come on, you can do this. You have to – oh shit, no exits here. Cut me some slack God. This is awful. They’re going to take me down. And it’s cold…it’s gonna hurt like crazy!
1:17 — Oh, no! No! Spasms! I’m having back spasms! Wait, What? Rooney just Cantona’d me on my back. This hurts like…AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
1:20 — Hey fat cop, get off me ok? You’re gonna kill me! Don’t sit on me. GET OFF ME FATSO!
1:28 — Oh no! I think I just pooped. It smells awful. Take that cops and security people. OH HELL NO! HANDCUFFS? WHAT FOR!
1:35 — HAHAHA! Listen to the crowd. They are behind me. They love me. One of them will get me out of the jail tomorrow morning. I”M A LEGEND! MY DREAM CAME TRUE AT THEATER OF DREAMS!
1:40 — I can’t wait to watch myself on YouTube tomorrow. F*** off you bunch of fat cops.
1:43 – Oww. a punch in the face!! Glad I’m drunk or this would have hurt really badly. AND PERSIE SCORES. *OHHHH ROBIN VAN PERSIE! OH ROBIN VAN PERSIE!* owww, another punch to the stomach.