Football and movies are two things that bring joy to the people even in the most adverse of times. We forget about pain, at least a little, while watching any of these two. Movies and football truly propagate suspension of disbelief.
In football, the major tournaments capture the imaginations of most fans. While in movies, the superhero genre has become the new spaghetti western in terms of popularity.
But what if both of these were combined? What if we had footballers (and managers) who were mutants, like the X-Men? Who would they be like? And why? We might never be able to find the definite answer, but we can always try and hypothesize. By which we mean we can let our imagination run wild.
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And here is our attempt…
Gareth Bale – Quicksilver
Does this need an explanation? Gareth Bale is greased light and has used his pace several times to devastate defenses around the world. His acceleration and turn of pace burnt Maicon’s career to ashes and his killer instinct with the ball made him the most expensive player in the history of mankind.
Quicksilver, similarly, is fast. Like, really fast. The mutant is capable of running at sonic speed and do things that most mutants can’t—like save multiple from an impending explosion within a matter of 2-3 seconds.
The main similarity between the two is basically pace. Also, ‘the savior’ portion also amounts to something as well. Plus isn’t Bale like Mourinho’s son? *Wink wink*. Theo Walcott cannot be Quicksilver because you actually have to do something concrete with all that pace.
Luka Modric – Professor X
Professor X might not have the ability to walk on his feet, making it quite impossible to equate him to a footballer. However, when it is the brain that is being placed on board, we have just the footballer – Luka Modric.
Charles Xavier has the power to read minds and control them at his will. He can make anyone do anything with just a twitch of his mind and there is no way one could escape from the claws of his psychic powers once he gets a hold of that person.
Luka Modric is the football version of that. The Croat can see things before they happen, as if he reads the minds of opponent players like the Professor, and take steps in order to control them and, hence, the flow of the game.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic – Apocalypse
Apocalypse calls himself God. Zlatan Ibrahimovic calls himself God. Apocalypse has multiple powers. Zlatan has multiple powers. Apocalypse is an omega mutant. Zlatan is an omega human.
While Ibrahimovic might be more loved than the Apocalypse, and is definitely not the super-villain that the latter is, his abilities are like the football version of the powers Apocalypse possesses.
Apocalypse is a mutant with powers that can make him do just about anything he pleases to do. Similarly, Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s varied range of skill-set bestows him with the aptitude to beat his adversaries.
Against the big guns, however, both Apocalypse and Ibrahimovic fall over. However, there aren’t many big guns compared to these two in the first place.
Cristiano Ronaldo – Deadpool
Some people might wonder how they are similar. For one, both of them have incredible mental strength that allows them to be the best at what they do.
While Deadpool had to endure unimaginable pain to become the Merc with the Mouth, Cristiano Ronaldo also had go through hours of training and shifts at the gym to make himself the player that he is today.
Both of them also have a self-centric narcissism complex about them, and why wouldn’t they? After all, they are almost unbeatable.
Finally, both of them are loved and hated as well. Deadpool doesn’t mind killing people, something that doesn’t go down well with compassion merchants. And with Cristiano, you either love him or absolutely loathe him––nothing in between.
Luis Suarez – Wolverine
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While Wolverine is much cooler than the Uruguayan forward, one can’t help but notice the similarities that these two share.
In the X-Men universe, Wolverine is some sort of an anti-hero who is loved by many. He can kill if the need arises, but doesn’t promote the mindless spilling of blood. He is brutally efficient at what he does and it is for this reason that Professor X always wants him to stay with the X-Men.
Finally, his animalistic capabilities is what makes him Wolverine—an amalgam of the proficiencies of a wolf and man.
With Suarez, the animalistic touch is the biggest similarity as three players can vouch for this fact. His teeth have been dug in more footballers’ bodies than the number of 5-wicket hauls Shane Warne has in ODIs.
Also, he is an excellent footballer that every top team would love to have, just like Professor X with Wolverine. It’s a weak premise. Please accept it.
Lionel Messi – Phoenix
Due to the lack of an apt X-Men male character that has similarities with the Argentine, we have opted to go with Jean Grey, aka Phoenix. The reason for this choice is as apparent as Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s nose: both are the best in their respective fraternities.
Jean Grey can do absolutely anything with her powers, she is like a Goddess. She can rip apart the entire world if she exercises her abilities to the fullest. With powers like telekinesis and telepathy, she can move things and minds without much effort whatsoever.
Not much is different with Lionel Messi. He is the best footballer in the world, a God in his own right, and can desecrate any defense when he is the peak of his powers. The Argentine is a freak of nature like the mutant he is being compared to.
And, finally, both of them can single-handedly win battles for their respective teams.
Jose Mourinho – Magneto
This is a bonus for all of you that have read this far (commendable job since I can’t read my own articles till the end).
X-Men fans might have been wondering about the whereabouts of the popular Magneto in this article. To be honest, it was very difficult to find a player who could be put into the same bracket as Magneto. In the end, we had to settle for a manager because only Jose Mourinho seems to have similarities with the mutant that can control metal.
Magneto fights for his fellow mutants, but wouldn’t hesitate for a moment to drop one under the bus if it enhances the bigger picture. His firm belief on his ideals makes him an admirable character, but his steadfast ruthlessness and uncaring attitude towards humans makes him despicable at times.
Similarly, Jose Mourinho would do anything to make sure his team wins—and, sometimes, it is that ‘anything’ that makes people detest him. Like Magneto, he doesn’t have a problem at stabbing his own player in the heart if the said player doesn’t do as asked of him.
And finally, both of them are labelled as villains in their respective worlds.
