Another Reason To Hate ESPN: What if Michael Vick is white?

What garbage will ESPN produce next? Here’s an idea, what if Mike Vick was an alien?

Is this really what we’ve come to? I have to hop online and read about what would happen if Michael Vick were white? What year is this? I normally don’t pay one bit of attention to what the talking at ESPN and what they are saying and writing, but I saw this picture of a white Mike Vick all over the internet as if it was a Minka Kelly sex tape. Seriously, what editor sees a story like this and says, “oh yeah this is great, let’s run this!”

What if Michael Vick is white? I’m laughing out loud at just how ridiculous the premise of this piece is. I forced myself to read it, even though it made me want to ram my head into a garage door for the 17 consecutive hours. That, or listen to Chris Berman and Skip Bayless rant about nothing for the same amount of time . Take your pick, you aren’t winning either way.

Is the implication that if Vick were white, he wouldn’t be the athletic freak that he is? Would he be more of a pocket passer with better accuracy? Would he not possess the swag that 97% of the suckholes at that network seems to fawn over these days? Just so you know, I threw my neck out from shaking my head at the utter silliness of the article.

Here’s a better question, would he have still run Bad Newz Kennels if he were white? I know, he fought dogs because of his upbringing. Have you ever seen Derrick Rose’s upbringing? He turned out okay, wouldn’t you say? I don’t care if you grew up in a ghetto slum, there’s no excuse for that kind of demented behavior.

Let me guess, most of you think that he would have gotten a lesser sentence if he were white. Of course you’d say that. Well, allow me to call bullshit on your racism. Why? Because if I were a judge, anybody who electrocuted dogs would have gotten the same punishment. I don’t care if you’re white, brown, Puerto Rican, or Haitian.

How about, would he have been more likely to be someone’s prison bitch if he were white? I really want to know the reason why a story so moronic is going to be a magazine feature. I guess ever since Tim Tebow has shown the world that he can’t play quarterback, ESPN has been scrambling for stories.

The Boo-Yaa Network is like one of the first hot girls you see on campus your first semester of college. You think she is hot and cool at first, but then as you get to know more about her, all of her flaws and warts start to show(mostly, the warts are of the genital variety). By fall break, that girl has been passed around a frat house like a 4 foot bong. Then around Halloween, she’s already on a fast track to the freshman 15 and you realize just how gross she is. That’s what ESPN has become to me. It was cool growing up, but it has morphed into the biggest source of bullshit this side of CNN (If you saw CNN’s east coast “earthquake” coverage, you know what I’m saying).

Like everyone, I’ve written stuff that I look back on and say, “what was I thinking?” But I’ll take great pleasure in never coming up with an idea like this. Just imagine the outrage if someone wrote “what if LeBron James was white?” Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton would have simultaneous coronaries before they had that writer fired and abolished like Jimmy the Greek. So congratulations ESPN, you have once again given us something to make fun of you for. Now you know what those no mind ass-hats are doing in-between sexually harassing each other.