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Creating boundaries is one of the most important things you can do for your mind, body and spirit. If you keep getting sucked into taking care of everyone else before yourself, it will inevitably lead to overwhelm, feeling like a martyr or even burnout.
Creating boundaries is crucial to sustaining yourself, which in turn allows you to sustain others over longer periods.
Ways to creating boundaries with people around you
1) Be kind to yourself
It's important to be kind to yourself as well as others. You will make mistakes, and you will not always have the answer, which is fine.
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Be gentle with yourself when things don't go according to plan or when you make a mistake; we all do it.
2) Be clear about what you want and why
It's important to be clear about what you want and why. If you're not sure, ask yourself:
- What do I want?
- Why do I want it?
- How does this help me achieve my goals/feel better about myself/make my life more enjoyable (or whatever else is important to you)?
If a person doesn't share your values or priorities, they may not understand why your request matters so much. However, if they know what they're getting into beforehand, they might be more willing to at least try their best.
3) Remember that you have strengths
Before you go ahead creating boundaries, it's important to know who you are. What are your strengths? What do you enjoy doing? What are your passions?
Once you identify these things, it will be easier for other people around you to understand what makes up your identity and how they should interact with this part of who I am.
That can also help them understand why certain behaviors or actions might make them uncomfortable or upset me.
4) Find the courage to say "no"
When you're creating boundaries with the people around you, it's important that you learn how to say "no" without feeling guilty.
You want your no's to be kind and gentle but firm. It's also important that they don't hurt others' feelings.
5) Take care of yourself
You can't control other people, but you can control how you react to them. Take care of yourself and your needs first. That means making sure that you get enough sleep, eat healthily and exercise regularly. It also means spending time alone.
Meditation is another great way of creating boundaries because it helps us relax our minds so that you're less likely to be thrown off balance by situations that might otherwise cause anxiety or upset you.
6) Stop being a people pleaser
You don't have to do everything. You can say no and mean it, even if someone is pressuring you or making you feel guilty about saying no. It's fine not to be everything for everyone all the time; in fact, it's better that way.
When creating boundaries with people who tend to take advantage of others (or simply don't respect their personal space), try these tips:
- Be clear about your expectations and needs right away so that there are no misunderstandings later on.
- Don't let other people pressure or guilt-trip you into doing things against your will -it won't work anyway.
7) Acknowledge the resentment you feel
Now that you've identified the source of your resentment, it's time to take some action. Acknowledge the resentment you feel. It's fine to admit that sometimes other people's actions can make you angry or frustrated, and you may not like their behavior.
Acknowledge that it's not your fault or problem if someone else acts in ways that make you uncomfortable or upset. In fact, there's no connection between how someone else treats us and who we are as individuals (or what our worth is). The only person responsible for their behavior is them, not us.
8) Don't let others' behavior control your moods
It's easy to fall into the habit of letting other people's behavior control your moods. You may feel guilty when someone is upset with you, or angry when someone acts rudely towards you.
However, if we let others' actions affect our emotions and moods, we are giving them power over us, and that isn't good for anyone instead of allowing other people's behavior to dictate how we feel about ourselves (or about them).
Conclusion
Creating boundaries is a process that takes time, but it can be done. It's important to remember that you don't have to set them with everyone at once; you can start by creating boundaries with one person at a time.
If you have trouble doing so on your own, try asking a friend or family member for help. They might be able to give you some insight into what they think would work best for them in certain situations.
