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The two most common responses when it comes to regulating your emotions are to act out or to suppress.
When you express a powerful emotion like rage through your actions, you will probably have unfavorable effects on your relationships, work, and other aspects. When you act out, it usually has a domino effect that makes people around you more angry, which makes things more complicated.
The result of holding back powerful emotions might be even more harmful. Many individuals are unaware that there's another way to control our emotions: experiencing the feeling in real time.
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Tools For Regulating Your Emotions
Emotions can be compared to energy waves that vary in size and strength like ocean waves. Like other natural phenomena, they have a tendency to appear and disappear quite swiftly. Several things can happen if you try to stop the process by acting out or suppressing it.
It's unfortunately true that attempts to talk yourself out of your emotions frequently lead to greater rumination and perseveration. In other words, you will continue to dwell on and hold onto the feelings you're attempting to suppress.
Therefore, there are valuable techniques we can employ to control our own emotions when doing so is beneficial and productive. The following are five strategies for regulating your emotions:
1) Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is awareness that results from paying attention intentionally, at the moment, and without judgment.
By practicing mindfulness techniques like focused breathing and thankfulness, we can create some distance between ourselves and our reactions, which improves attention and promotes feelings of tranquility and relaxation.
A 2019 evaluation of 27 studies found that practicing mindfulness increased attention, which in turn aided in bettering executive function and managing negative emotions.
2) Use Self-Regulation in Daily Life
Self-regulation refers to the ability to manage your actions, feelings, and ideas while pursuing long-term objectives.
Emotional self-regulation more explicitly refers to the ability to restrain irrational feelings and impulses or to deliberate before acting. Self-regulation also entails having the ability to bounce back from setbacks and behave morally. It's one of the five essential elements of emotional intelligence.
3) Try Changing the Context
This is useful when we attempt to alter the setting and timing of a conversation to put some distance between ourselves and the emotional trigger, giving ourselves time to cool down.
A change of scenery can also be beneficial. For instance, if someone is making us upset in a meeting at work, it may be beneficial to take a break and have a casual conversation with them over coffee.
Consider switching from a formal to a casual environment, going for a stroll while you speak, or suggesting that a tough topic be put on hold and continued later.
4) Use Positive Self-Talk
Our self-talk can turn negative when our emotions feel overwhelming, such as "I messed up again" or "everyone else is such a bully." Empathically treating yourself can help you replace some of this negative talk with compliments.
Saying things like "I always try so hard" or "People are doing the best they can" can help you feel better. This change can lessen the intense emotions you experience. Even if the situation isn't working, you don't have to place blame or extrapolate the issue beyond the immediate context.
5) Make a Choice
Most of the time, we have a choice on how to react. You probably realize the detrimental effect it can have on your relationships if you have a tendency to lash out at people when you're angry. Additionally, you might observe that it doesn't feel nice, or while it may feel nice at the time, the results could hurt.
Recognize that you have a choice in how you choose to react the next time you feel fear or anger. That acknowledgement is potent. Can you think of another way to respond instead of yelling at me?" Is it possible for you to communicate your anger to someone without using harsh language?
Takeaway
You can start regulating your emotions more frequently once you have mastered the fine art of understanding your emotions, eventually making it become natural for you.
Regulating your emotions can increase your resilience and ability to deal with challenging situations in life. However, that can be challenging for complex emotions and requires caution and practice. Although not everyone is born with emotional intelligence, it can be developed and strengthened.
Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.
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