How To Set Boundaries With Gaslighting Parents?

Have you dealt with gaslighting parents? If so, you know how challenging it can be. If not, you might find yourself struggling to set boundaries with one. When you are setting boundaries with anyone, even if they are not parents, it may be met with a lot of pushback. Setting limits can prove to be very difficult, especially when it's not a physical one.

Constant manipulation or deception that makes the victim question their sanity and original perception is known as gaslighting. A person may get confused and lose their sense of self-worth as a result. While we are all vulnerable to such emotional abuse, it can be particularly damaging for those who lack confidence in their own decisions.

Controlling and demoralizing the victim frequently involves the use of negative messages, flattery, or coercion. Gaslighting can occur in every relationship, from familial and personal relationships to corporate interactions. However, what may hurt the most, is staying with gaslighting parents.

Sometimes love can hurt, we need to protect ourselves from gaslighting. (Image via Pexels/ Anete Lusina)

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Set Boundaries With Gaslighting Parents

Since we depend on our parents to be our defenders as we develop under their watchful eyes, we do not expect them to be emotionally abusive. However, gaslighting is a character problem that may permeate parenthood and leave children traumatized for the rest of their lives.

Owing to the fact that it can prevent you from reaching your greatest potential, it is vital to be aware of how gaslighting works. To protect your emotional energy, it would be wise to keep your distance from parents who gaslight. Here are some ways in which you can set boundaries with gaslighting parents:

1) Establish Boundaries

Gaslighting parents can be difficult to deal with, but setting limits is essential. (Image via Pexels/ Anete Lusina)

First and foremost, decide what your boundaries will look like. This may seem obvious, but if your parents were narcissists—say, a mother who never knocks when she enters your room or a father who regularly criticizes you in front of others—you wouldn't precisely know what boundaries are. Therefore, you must consider what you want and how to express it in order to be able to set boundaries.

Do you want your self-centered father to quit making fun of you? Or do you want your mum to ring the doorbell first before coming in? Additionally, do you want your controlling parents to stop insulting you in front of others? If you intend to put an end to this kind of behavior, you will have to set some boundaries.

You have the right to express your worries and desires. Gaslighting parents won't likely respect it in any case. It is nevertheless important that you still express your needs and keep your parents at some distance if they're making you constantly doubt yourself and what you want.

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2) Set Consequences

Setting boundaries doesn't go without setting consequences. (Image via Pexels/ Mikhail Nilov)

What do we do when our boundaries are breached again and again? It is important to that we think about the consequences. Boundaries are meaningless if there are no consequences.

You can explain to your gaslighting parents what is likely to happen if they don't abide by the boundaries that you're setting. You may avoid them for a while or perhaps stop helping them in any way. Consequences of any kind should be used to enforce boundaries, especially when dealing with narcissists. Otherwise, it is unlikely that people will abide by your rules if there are no repercussions.

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3) Be Clear and Consistent

Remember, consistency can protect you from your gaslighting parents. (Image via Pexels/ Anete Lusina)

Try to be as direct as possible while defining your boundaries. It usually works better the more straightforward you are. Be upfront about what you will and won't accept. Show them where the line is that you draw.

Ensure that your boundaries are non-negotiable. Don't delve into it further or engage in debate. Keep it short and simple when stating your boundaries. Try to end it quickly if they want to continue talking. If you give them space, they are more likely to keep debating.

Additionally, do your best to maintain consistency. Inconsistency can give the impression that you are unsure or insecure about your choices. They will have an opportunity to exploit your weaknesses because of this. As a result, establish your boundaries in advance and uphold them.

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Takeaway

Boundaries are for your safety and not for someone's punishment. Even though staying with a gaslighting parent can make you feel isolated, you don't have to go through it alone. You can ask your immediate family and friends for support, as well as therapists and counselors, if necessary. It is crucial that you maintain healthy boundaries with your parents and take care of yourself.

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Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.

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