Jimmy Kimmel's Oscars monologue: What did he exactly say?

Jimmy Kimmel, comedian and renowned host of the eponymous late-night talk show, was the anchor for the 2023 Oscars. It was Kimmel's third time hosting the Academy Awards, and it will be an understatement to say that he did not disappoint. The Jimmy Kimmel Live! host gave an impeccable monolog with enough jokes to get everyone at the Dolby Theatre laughing.

The late-night show host started with a Top Gun: Maverick bit, during which he was ejected from a fighter jet onto the stage at the command of Tom Cruise. As the monolog started, Jimmy roasted many of the guests in the crowd while also throwing some jokes at those who didn't attend the Oscars. Interestingly, the anchor also addressed the Will Smith–Chris Rock slap incident towards the end of his monolog.

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From Tom Cruise and James Cameron's absence to the Will Smith–Chris Rock slap incident: Everything that Jimmy Kimmel said in his Oscars monologue

As Jimmy Kimmel landed on stage at LA's Dolby Theatre, crew members helped the host remove his parachute, and he welcomed the crowd attending the ceremony. He started his monolog by roasting Nicole Kidman for her 2021 AMC theater commercial,

"I am happy to see that Nicole Kidman has finally been released from that abandoned AMC, where she has been held captive for almost two years now. It's good to have you back, Nicole."

He added,

"And thank you for encouraging people who were already at the movie theater to go to the movie theater."

His joke about Kidman's AMC advertisement immediately followed a roast targeting many in the audience, as he joked,

"Everybody looks so great. When I look around this room, I can't help wondering… is Ozempic right for me?"

Kimmel immediately acknowledged several first-time nominees at the Oscars, including Jamie Lee Curtis, Ana de Armas, Colin Farell, and Michelle Yeoh, among others.

He further noted that Brendan Fraser and Ke Huy Quan, who worked together in Encino Man, will have an "incredible night." At the same time, he also joked about how their co-star from the same movie, Pauly Shore, might be having a difficult night,

"What an incredible night this must be for the two of you and what a very difficult night Pauly Shore. Maybe it's time to reboot Bio-Dome."

After all the laughs, Jimmy then talked about the legendary Steven Spielberg, who was sitting in the audience. Talking about the loss of new ideas in Hollywood, he quipped that someone like the Indiana Jones filmmaker had to make a movie about his life. He further declared Steven Spielberg and Seth Rogen his favorite duo of the year, calling them the "Joe and Hunter Biden of Hollywood."

Jimmy's following jokes were about how Spielberg, who claimed to have never smoked weed, made a movie like E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, "a movie about an alien who eats Reese's Pieces all day and can't remember how to phone home." He appreciated the iconic director, who has received Oscar nominations in six different decades, and talked a little about his film The Fabelmans while also commending actress Michelle Williams.

The Jimmy Kimmel Live! host then took a dig at Babylon and Batgirl, as the former incurred a loss of $100 million, while the latter didn't even get a release,

"It was a very good year for movies. Business is booming. I know people like to debate now, which is better: movies or TV. But here's a thing, no matter how good a show is, there are some things that movies could do that TV just can't. For example, a TV show can't lose a hundred million dollars. Is the gang from Babylon here? They know. I was just asking if they were here. I was welcoming them. At least Babylon got released in August, you know, Batgirl become the first superhero to be defeated by an accounting department."

In his Oscars monolog, Kimmel then addressed the absence of James Cameron. He joked how some are thinking that the Avatar director didn't show up because he wasn't nominated in the Best Director category,

"I mean how does the Academy not nominate the guy who directed Avatar? What do they think he is? A woman?"

He also pointed out that Tom Cruise was also absent from the ceremony and joked,

"The two guys, who insisted we go to the theater, didn't come to the theater."

Interestingly, Jimmy also took a jab at Tom Cruise's Scientology beliefs, as he said:

"The movie that saved the movies. Everyone loved Top Gun – everybody. Tom Cruise with his shirt off in that beach football scene? L. Ron hubba-hubba."

For those unaware, "L. Ron hubba-hubba" referred to L. Ron Hubbard, the original founder of the Church of Scientology. Apart from making another Mission Impossible joke, the 2023 Oscars host then moved towards the conclusion of his monolog as he finally addressed last year's Will Smith–Chris Rock slap incident.

While telling the audience about the crisis team, which was present at the Oscars venue to thwart any unexpected situation, Kimmel also took a dig at Smith, who, after slapping Rock, went on to win the Best Actor award later that night,

"If anyone in this theater commits an act of violence at any point during this show, you will be awarded the Oscar for Best Actor and permitted to give a 19-minute-long speech."

Jimmy Kimmel addressed the Oscars 2022 slap incident (Image via @LukeHearfield/Twitter)

He asked the audience to do nothing about any violent act that might happen on the stage, like they did last year. He also warned any assailant that they would have to deal with Adonis Creed (Michael B. Jordan), Spider-Man (Andrew Garfield), the Mandalorian (Pedro Pascal), and others before they got to him.

He concluded his monolog by quipping that the winners of the 2023 Oscars will have to keep their acceptance speeches shorter; otherwise, they will be escorted off the stage by the Naatu Naatu (from RRR) performers. Ironically, the 95th Oscars host was taken off the stage by the group of dancers as he spoke all of it.