BIGBANG’s T.O.P discusses suicide attempt and battle with mental health during marijuana controversy

BIGBANG’s T.O.P graced the cover of Prestige Hong Kong’s March issue, where he provided readers with unprecedented insight into his life. The 34-year-old idol, artist, and art collector stepped away from the spotlight after becoming embroiled in a marijuana controversy in 2017. Five years later, in the interview with Prestige, he revealed that he had tried to take his own life during the troubling phase.

Veteran K-pop fans will remember BIGBANG and T.O.P's massive influence soon after their debut in 2006. They injected a whole new life into the genre and earned international fame. However, soon after his enlistment in the military, which was already a tough goodbye for fans, he was involved in a much-publicized marijuana controversy.

Trigger warning: Suicide, drug overdose

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“This is the first time I’ve spoken this publicly”: BIGBANG’s T.O.P opens up about life after marijuana controversy

Ahead of his group comeback and solo debut, BIGBANG’s T.O.P opened up about the marijuana controversy and the tough times that he experienced during the last five years of his hiatus. The idol enlisted in the military in February 2017, and in June of that same year, he was pulled into a nightmarish ordeal. The artist was under investigation for smoking marijuana, which is still illegal in South Korea.

Recounting the incident, T.O.P, whose real name is Choi Seung-hyun, described the experience as “the worst moment.” He also shared that he tried to take his own life, saying:

“This is the first time I’ve spoken this publicly, but I did try to commit suicide about five years ago. I realized later how much hurt and painful memories I gave to the people around me, my family, and fans out there.”

A few days after news of T.O.P’s indictment broke, he was transferred to a hospital for a suspected drug overdose, as reported by the Korea Herald on June 6, 2017. The fall had extreme consequences, as the idol finally revealed in the Prestige interview.

T.O.P wore many hats throughout his 16-year journey as a rapper, singer, actor, songwriter, and producer. While he will be adding more feathers to his cap as a record company and wine label founder in the near future, the mental slump during the drug controversy had him mired in negative thoughts. Explaining how music that helped him rise back up, he said:

“Actually, I was going to seriously stop making music and stop being a musician. But during the bad times, the rough times, my motivation to keep going was the music. I wrote more than 100 songs over the past five years. It’s been my motivation, like wanting to fill up a bookshelf with my work. It’s been my passion. I realized how precious it is to pay back what I’ve received. I feel that I’m reborn.”

Having been in the harsh and cutthroat K-pop industry for 16 years, the legendary BIGBANG member has now built walls and learned how to make his own way, leaving agency YG Entertainment last month.

“I’m 34 now, so I’ve been through a lot. I learned how not to give a f**k. I’m at the point where I can be responsible for the things that I’ve said.”

Among other plans, T.O.P plans to release a solo debut album in a feature film style (which will include the songs he wrote during the hiatus), and open a company where he wishes to hone "real" artists and not turn them into “robots,” as he described “the K-pop system." Meanwhile, he will continue to be a part of BIGBANG, and make a comeback with them this spring.