5 times wrestlers wrestled inanimate objects

There’s an old saying about the greatest wrestlers in history: so-and-so could have a great match with a broom. We’ve heard these statements many times about wrestlers like WWE Hall of Famer Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair, both of whom have been lauded many times for their impeccable in-ring work.

However, those statements are usually just more instances of hyperbole in pro wrestling, as the act of exaggerating things is commonplace in that industry. The truth is that ‘it takes two to tango’ in professional wrestling, and one cannot have a great match if their opponent isn’t working as hard as they are.

Then there are the cases when some people want to really push things to the extreme by making wrestling matches as wacky and ludicrous as possible. By now, most people have seen the infamous Kenny Omega match in which he ‘wrestled’ a nine-year-old girl. Many people lambasted him for doing something that exposed and tarnished the wrestling industry, despite Omega himself being praised for his dedication and workmanship in that ‘match’.

However, compared to these five instances, that match was actually a decent match because it was between two persons. The five matches mentioned here don’t even have that, as each one of them features at least one non-human entity ‘wrestling’ in a ‘match’, often with hilarious results.

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#5 Vince McMahon’s Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame wins a championship

Vince wins things even when he's not physically present

DDT Pro-Wrestling has their own version of WWE’s old Hardcore Championship, which they call the Ironman Heavymetalweight Championship. Like the WWE version, this one is defended under 24/7 rules. But unlike WWE’s belt, DDT enforces this rule literally and very seriously, which means that literally anyone and anyTHING can win the championship.

Case in point: Joey Ryan went to Hollywood, California as champion to show everyone Vince McMahon’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. In doing so, Ryan tapped onto the star, when a referee showed up to announce that Ryan had lost the belt by tapping.

Thus, an inanimate object had become Ironman Heavymetalweight Championship once again, only to lose it to someone different moments later:

4. A cat wins the DDT Ironman Heavymetalweight Championship

Always keep your guard up in pro wrestling...

Although not an inanimate object per se, a cat isn’t capable of understanding this situation, nor is it capable of actually knowingly making a decision. Thus, the cat makes sense as an inanimate ‘creature’ for the sake of this argument.

During the DDT Ironman Heavymetalweight Championship’s ‘illustrious’ lineage, several non-human entities have held it following dubious title ‘victories’. In one case, then-champion Laura James was playing with her car Bunny, and had the car on her chest while she was lying on her back, with her shoulders presumably pinned down.

As a result, the referee counted three, resulting in Bunny the Cat becoming DDT Ironman Heavymetalweight Champion for a short time.

Shortly thereafter, Bunny lost the belt to Ryan Nemeth, after he got the cat to ‘shake hands’ to forfeit the title in exchange for a cat treat. No, seriously:

#3 The curious case of the invisible wrestler

Man suplexes himself for your entertainment

There have been times when wrestlers have had to work with really difficult opponents. There have also been a few cases when a wrestler has had to fight a completely inanimate object. Then there’s this case, where a wrestler has to fight a wrestler that literally cannot be seen.

Here we have another classic from DDT Pro-Wrestling, in which a wrestler ‘faces off’ against an invisible wrestler. The short match features the only wrestler than can actually be seen performing wrestling moves by himself, while also ‘selling’ the offense of a wrestler as if they were actually there.

The match features a lot of supposed ‘back elbows’, a Superplex, and then a bridging German Suplex that led to the invisible wrestler’s victory. Although it’s clearly not meant to be taken seriously, the audience does react to the match quite a lot, and that’s because they know it’s all for show.

Also, kudos to the wrestler involved in this match for selling the ‘offense’ of the supposed invisible wrestler as if he were taking real moves by an actual opponent. It’s one thing to take a dangerous move executed by someone else; it’s another thing entirely to basically defy all natural protective instincts and flip yourself onto your own head and neck to entertain an audience.

#2 A table wrestled a ladder

It's the ultimate match to answer an age-old question: which piece of hardcore weaponry is better?

What’s better than a wrestling match involving one inanimate object? A wrestling match in which BOTH participants are inanimate objects!

A small independent promotion called SPWC staged a random exhibition match to see which piece of wrestling hardware was the better wrestler: the table or the ladder. The 30-second or so match featured the table ‘knocking over’ the ladder before placing one edge over the fallen ladder to ‘pin’ it, thus being declared the winner.

Notice how the audience actually reacts to this utter nonsense and makes a big deal out of the table’s victory. Although virtually everyone watching knew that this was inherently fake, they still reacted to it and appreciated it for its inherent entertainment value.

#1 Kota Ibushi vs. YOSHIHIKO the blow-up doll

Kota Ibushi turned this into a hilarious spectacle

For those of you wondering why so many people have praised Kota Ibushi as one of the best wrestlers in the world, this is but yet another reason why that is.

Before becoming a regular in NJPW, Ibushi wrestled for DDT Pro-Wrestling, a smaller promotion that specialized in comedic wrestling. This match was one of the prime examples of DDT focusing on comedy, as they had Ibushi wrestling YOSHIHIKO, who/which is a blow-up doll.

Simply put, Ibushi spent about five minutes wrestling this inanimate doll as if it were a real person. This including ‘selling’ for the doll’s ‘moves’ which more often than not involved him basically flipping himself and doing one-person moves as if they were being done by an actual wrestler.

What you’ll notice in this match is that not only does Ibushi actually execute moves by himself perfectly (including the Infinity Destroyer, which is multiple Canadian Destroyer Flip Piledrivers, which means that Ibushi is basically flipping himself onto his own head several times), but the audience actually reacts to the ‘drama’ of the match like they would for a normal match.

If this doesn’t convince you that Ibushi is awesome, I don’t know what will.