Humour: 12 completely ridiculous reasons why some people dislike Cristiano Ronaldo

Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the best players in the world. But that is not the only accolade he has. He can also be termed as one of the most hated personalities in the world of football.There are very few stadiums left in the world where this man hasn’t been whistled at.

Be it at Allianz Arena or some stadium of a 4th division team from the Byzantine Empire, the spectators show no remorse while jeering the Portuguese. Also read: Is Ronaldo gay? Relationship rumours squashedOn that note, here are 12 reasons why Ronaldo is such a hated figure:

Disclaimer: The article is only meant in jest and must not be taken seriously.

#1 Handsome, yet hateable face

The former United winger is one of the best looking players around and that, according to himself, is a reason why he is hated.

There are many people who feel like punching the television when they see his face on it. This face might have attracted many supermodels, but it erects every hair that exists on the body of people who dislike him with a passion.

Also, the clean-shaved look doesn’t help. If Cristiano had a beard, he might have been liked more even if he made cocky statements (read Andrea Pirlo). A beard helps one get away with many things. You could kill a puppy and get away with it if you have an awesome beard (like how Xabi Alonso gets away despite leaving Liverpool and Real Madrid in a very messy manner).

There’s another reason which adds to this, which is...

#2 Too much hair gel

It sometimes feels like Cristiano Ronaldo dips his head in a drum full of hair gel and then sets his hair. This tends to put off many people and makes them hate him unconsciously.

Shiny things always attract people. Be it gold for Bappy Lahiri, sex tapes for Kim Kardashian, contract renewals for Lionel Messi, money for Ashley Cole and so on – and it’s the same with Cristiano Ronaldo and hair gel. People notice him for it.

Gel is probably one of the first words that come to your mind when the name Cristiano Ronaldo is mentioned, just the way ‘bitter’ would be the word for Frank Ribery or ‘Hitler’ for Felix Magath. The point is, if he had used less hair gel, people wouldn’t have noticed him much and thus he would have been saved from some hate.

#3 Hard-working arrogance

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As a child, Ronaldo had to overcome a lot of barriers to become the player he is today. And the most difficult one was getting over bullying.

Most people break down when bullied. He didn’t. He developed an “I am better than them” arrogance which helped him get over the bullying.

Under normal circumstances, this mentality would have been lauded. However, when it comes to Ronaldo it can’t, simply because he is a famous footballer. He worked his socks off to make it this far, but that doesn’t matter.

What matters is that he makes cocky remarks and shows off his body after scoring and asks the Camp Nou to calm down.

#4 Association with hated clubs

First Manchester United and now Real Madrid – Cristiano Ronaldo is associated with two of the most hated and popular clubs in the world. In England, United are the most hated and popular, and the same could be said for Real Madrid in Spain.

Real Madrid have cheated their way to 32 league titles and 10 Champions League honours, thanks to the help of General Franco. It is for this reason that they are hated so much; after all, even though his body isn’t alive, General Franco evilly influences referees and high-ranked officials to make Real Madrid win. And since he influences Real Madrid, it is natural that Cristiano Ronaldo scores so many goals.

If it weren’t for General Franco, the Real Madrid number 7 wouldn’t have scored so many goals in his career with the Whites. When Ronaldo shoots, General Franco’s spirit comes in front of the goalkeeper’s eye and puts him in perpetual illusion. That is why they all find it difficult to stop his shots.

Ronaldo didn’t have this help with Manchester United – his goal stats with them are a testament – but he played for a team whose manager was the equivalent of Einstein in the field of hypocrisy.

All these points add up to him being hated so much.

#5 Dates various supermodels

Everyone is supposed to do whatever they please with their personal lives – but not Cristiano Ronaldo. He can’t talk the way he likes, he can’t dress the way he likes, he can’t have the hairstyle he likes and he certainly can’t date whoever he likes.

He just can’t.

So many kids look up to him and he gives them a really bad impression about love. What would those little angels think when they see their idol dating model after model instead of settling down with one girl? They would lose all hope in love. In fact, they have.

These days, it is easier to find unicorns than true love. And Cristiano Ronaldo is the reason for that.

#6 He earns a lot

‘Fingers not enough to show how much I earn’

So many people die every day due to poverty, and here is Cristiano Ronaldo, earning 300,000 pounds a week for a family of just three. Just let this fact sink in. It’s inhuman.

If he had an ounce of humanity in him, Ronaldo would have donated almost all of his earnings to the poor and led a simple life himself.

It doesn’t matter that other footballers earn a lot of money too, because they are not Cristiano Ronaldo. He is a Ballon d’Or holder – a certificate that reveals his superiority over other footballers – and hence he should donate so that others follow the lead of the best.

Here’s a fact for you: if Ronaldo donated 90% of his income to the poor, millions of people would be saved from death by starvation. Only God knows how food goes down his throat.

#7 He is a great player

Make no mistake about this: Cristiano Ronaldo is a fantastic player. The amount of goals he scores week-in and week-out is no joke, even though he gets a lot of help from General Franco.

The truth is that when a player scores such an obscene amount of goals, there are bound to be haters. Especially in the rival teams’ fan section.

It’s not every day that players like Ronaldo arrive. When someone with a clean-shaved face and loads of hair gel, someone who is also a hairstyle trendsetter, comes in and scores goals as easily as hair falling from Wayne Rooney’s head, there is a problem.

The problem goes a step further when he has…

#8 Too many Ballon dOrs

Let’s face it: Cristiano Ronaldo has too many Ballon d’Ors. It is very selfish on his part to have won three Ballon d’Ors when great players like Emile Heskey, Andres Iniesta, Xavi Hernandez, Andrea Pirlo, Xabi Alonso and so on have never won one.

He might have deserved those Ballon d’Ors, but that is the point. He shouldn’t have played so well that those aforementioned legendary figures were left empty handed even when their hands deserved the touch of the trophy.

Robbing those figures of the ultimate individual trophy is like robbing a kid of his candy. The sheer selfishness of the Portuguese is so apparent that it won’t be surprising if he eats food without feeding his son first.

And this selfishness shows on the field too. He rarely passes to teammates in better positions, and always takes free-kicks on the left side even though he is perhaps the worst free-kick taker currently in the world of football.

His selfishness has also prevented Lionel Messi from racking up an unprecedented six Ballon d’Ors. On that note, another reason why he is so hated is that he is...

#9 Rival to good-boy Messi

Cristiano Can’t Wait To Smash Messi’s Face

Lionel Messi is an angel. God’s gift to football.

Every now and then, when something is at its utmost bottom level, the almighty sends someone to raise the standard – to lighten the scary darkness. And Lionel Messi is that someone.

When football was being shrouded by the darkness called Cristiano Ronaldo, Messi rose above the darkness and won four Ballon d’Ors in a row – giving us all a reason to believe in God; that good always triumphs over the bad.

Now, however, the fact that Ronaldo is back on top is a sign of evil. The coming of the anti-Christ.

Messi is the son every parent would love to have, because who wouldn’t like a son who doesn’t pay taxes and saves the money instead? This shows his love for his family.

Ronaldo has basically done nothing to be labeled as a good son. In fact, he can be called a vile son because he never dedicates his goals to his mother or father.

#10 Shameless diver

Even Greg Louganis would lose to Cristiano Ronaldo in this aspect.

If the Portuguese wasn’t a footballer, he would definitely have been a professional diver and would have won many Olympic gold medals by now. Once inside the box, Ronaldo looks for the opportunity to fall with the slightest – or sometimes no – contact. And once he achieves that, he falls on the ground faster than the rate at which the Zimbabwean dollar fell.

A lot of his goals come from penalties and many of them are given after he executes a spectacular swan dive to win it. One of his favourite pastimes is swimming – and we know why.

#11 \'Penaldo\'

Penalties are not pure goals. They are as impure as gold mixed with copper. And if it weren’t for penalties, Lionel Messi would never be second to him in the European Golden Shoe race.

Scoring from penalties is the easiest thing ever. It takes no effort at all and is easier to score from than to miss. That’s why Messi purposely misses penalties to make sure he doesn’t score those impure goals and tarnish his reputation.

Scoring from penalties is like accepting leftover food which was thrown on the ground for the dogs to eat. And the Argentine is way too classy to score goals from penalties.

But all that doesn’t matter to Ronaldo. His sense of discretion is like that of a pig. In fact, he prefers scoring from penalties rather than doing hard work and finish from open play.

#12 He is Cristiano Ronaldo

This is the ultimate reason. He is Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro. If he walks on water, it is because he can’t swim. If he flies like a bird, it because he can’t walk. If he is telepathic, it is because he can’t talk. If he is telekinetic, it is because he is lazy.

No matter what Ronaldo does, there is always something bad related to it. It is very normal for people to celebrate their birthday by throwing a party, but not for Ronaldo. When he does that, it is an act of selfishness – a sin no mortal should commit.

They say that when the moon comes between the sun and the earth, we see an eclipse. That is not true. An eclipse occurs when Cristiano Ronaldo comes in between the earth and the sun.

Edited by Staff Editor