POST # 9: SLAPGATE -II

Spare a thought for Vinod Kambli. Everytime he works so hard to rake up some controversy, someone or other steals the thunder from him. This time the culprit was not a cricketer. Not even a person associated with cricket but a person called Harvinder Singh, whose free swing of the hand was disturbed by Union minister of Agriculture Sharad Pawar’s cheek and this has triggered off a major controversy among the cricket lovers and the supporters of Pawar. Since Sharad Pawar also dons the hat as a chief of ICC (International Cricket Council), the ICC suspected some cricketing “hand” in the incident. Prime suspects were Vinod Kambli and Harbhajan Singh as Pawar had recently rubbished Kambli’s allegations of match fixing as “irresponsible” and Harbhajan Singh as he was the star of Slapgate-I, wherein Sreesanth, like Pawar had the swaying palm of another Singh resting firmly on his cheek.

We were informed that ICC had constituted a high powered committee to investigate into the involvement of some cricketers in the incident. The committee met at an undisclosed location and later concluded that the cricketers couldn’t be the masterminds of the Slapgate-II and gave them a clean chit. We managed to get a couple of pages of the Report and some of the brilliant findings in the report are leaked exclusively hereinbelow.

Vinod Kambli’s past and the present made a strong case for his innocence. Harvinder was successful in his endeavour, and anything involving Vinod Kambli was bound to fail. Secondly, Kambli could not have masterminded it, for the simple reason that it would have taken the focus away from his match fixing allegation which has given him more fame than his jewellery, hairstyles, french beard, sunscreen and his carribean flair put together have not. Thirdly, if Kambli was involved, then Harwinder would have cried on the television.

Another person who escaped of the net of suspicion of ICC was Harbhajan and that too because of his horrible form with the ball. Has anything thrown or bowled by Bhajji, in the recent past, has ever fallen in the right spot?

If it was the horrible form of Bhajji which did the trick for him, it was Sehwag’s hand eye co-ordination and timing, that made him ‘baaizzat bari’. The clipping in the slow motion clearly disclosed that there was no hand-eye co-ordination and the timing on part of Harvinder. If Sehwag was behind this, then Harvinder’s slap would come from the middle of the palm just like Sehwag’s shots come from the middle of the bat. The slap took the outside edge of Harwinder’s palm. (this finding was given despite there being no Snickometer in the vicinity).

Rahul Dravid just could not have masterminded something like this, because if he had done so, then he would have had to coach Harwinder for days together, that too with high degree of concentration and intensity. Even Sreesanth would not have volunteered to offer his cheek as a target for practice, even if he was offered a permanent place in the test team.

Sachin Tendulkar was not even considered a suspect as the event of such magnitude had no “number 100″ associated with it.

Harvinder Singh’s attempt was crude and his reach was not at all graceful and as such no box could be ticked against Laxman’s name thereby resulting in an exoneration for him.And also because Laxman comes into his own only when the guy oppsite him is an australian.

Yuvraj Singh was zeoed down by the investigation committee, as the action of Harvinder pointed a strong needle of suspicion towards Yuvraj and why not?. Harvinder, like Yuvraj flashed, hard did the job without connecting it well, and had an aggessive body language. What saved Yuvraj was his shit footwork which he demonstrates so often while at the crease. The investigating team thought that if Yuvraj was the brain behind this, then Harvinder just wouldn’t be able to demonstrate such an excellent footwork.

Munaf Patel walked free because he is Munaf Patel. The only “Pawar” Munaf knew was Ramesh Powar!