3 ways for Manchester United fans to cope with the 6-1 loss

Very rarely does a team like Manchester United get drubbed and demolished the way it did this Sunday by the hands of its step-brothers and arch-rivals Manchester City. To cope with such a loss would be the first task at hand. The team would work on the WWW (What Went Wrong) part by knit-picking the flaws and sorting them out such that further competitions aren’t jeopardised. But what of the fans? What are we to do in this hour of crisis? How are we to revive “the fan within”- that received a major heart attack this weekend?

Here are some ways fans like you and I can vent out their frustrations.

1. Erase the remnants – This method is on the lines of treatment for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder where it is made sure that the victim stays away from anything that even slightly reminds him of the incident. In our case, it would be best if the number ‘6’ is erased from your day to day living.

• Buy 5 or 7 cans of beer, not 6;
• Delete movies from your laptop that have a mention of the word ‘6’ like “The Sixth Sense” and “Six Degrees of Separation”, do watch movies regarding other numbers like “Se7en”, “The One”, “21 Grams”

Six Degrees of Separation (L) and Se7en (R)

• Delete the sixth season of every TV serial or sitcom on your hard-disk (apart from Dexter- in which case you can imagine being alone in the kill-room with Balotelli on the table begging for mercy)

Release the dark passenger

2. Payback – Due to lack of footballing skills and talent (as compared to the EPL players), we fans can’t hope for payback on the field from our side. The remedy is to do it off the field.

• EA Sports has come out with FIFA 12, a forum for football simulation made for fans and players alike. All you have to do is play Manchester United against Manchester City on Amateur or Semi-Pro mode and voila, you will end up scoring more goals than your CGPA in college.
• And if that still isn’t enough to satiate your hunger, you can always play God in the manager mode where you have the distinct opportunity to buy out players like Villa, Kaka, Pedro, Aguero, Silva hence filling Man United with the best in the world. Then it is just a matter of your FIFA playing abilities to crush City. Winning the Premiership and the subsequent Champions League would be a walk in the park.

Surely wont miss this time

3. Day to Day activities – Small acts go a long way in satisfying the vengeful monster within

• If you are a school bully, pick a kid you like bullying the most and name him Balotelli or Aguero or Dzeko or Silva and enjoy every bit of the action that follows.

Öyi! Aguero!!"

• Make fun of Arsenal fans regarding the 8-2 demolition derby that they were put through. Emphasise on the point that even though we were beaten by 5 goals, they were crushed by 6.

Remember!!! Remember!!!

• And last but by no means the least, since Diwali is around the corner, the best possible remedy would be to light up a Mancini rocket or crackers with City players stuck on them (and Johnny Evans).

And if even that doesn’t prove to be enough, then have patience dear friend, for United shall rise again.