MLS club Philadelphia Union looking for Chief Tattoo Officer

What’s the story?

Now we’ve heard everything. There are Chief Executive Officers, Chief Financial Officers and even Chief Ideation Officers. But have you ever heard of a Chief Tattoo Officer? No seriously. Chief Tattoo Officer.

The MLS Club have sent out an advertisement seeking applications for exactly such a spot, which they say will be a permanent position.

Tattoos have, of course, been an integral part of the game and the players who grace it – from Sergio Ramos tattooing the World Cup and the Champions League on each calf, Daniel de Rossi having that epic leg-break danger sign tattoo on his leg, Leo Messi getting his son Thiago’s hand inked into that god-like left leg of his... Cristiano Ronaldo, of course, abstains from getting tattoos because of the limitations it places on donating blood – and Philadelphia appears to be taking it to its logical conclusion

In case you didn’t know

Philadelphia Union play in the Eastern Conference of the MLS and after 4 games, sit rock bottom with 2 points (2 D, 2 L). Their conference is currently being led by Columbus Crew, while in the Western Conference Portland Timbers are up top.

The Union have never won anything of note – their best results being runners up in the Lamar Hunt US Open Cup in 2014 and ‘15... but this move has certainly got them in the news.

The heart of the matter

This is what the advertisement says:

“Tattoos are a vital part of sport, fan and supporter culture. Just as tattoos are for life, fans choose a club to passionately support for life. As our club grows, players and staff are joining the Union from geographies outside of Philadelphia. Given their love for tattoos and unfamiliarity with their new city, they often look for guidance in seeking a new, local artist.”

What Next?

A Chief Hairstyle Coordinating Officer?... a barber, in other words?

Author’s Take

This is one of the most ridiculous things we’ve come across in the wide, and often bizarre world of football. While I have nothing against tattoos – and think that most of them are really cool (have you seen Memphis’ lion tattoo??)...

...the essence of the tattoo lies in the rebellion, in the having-your-own-way individuality of the whole thing. The creative freedom that a tattoo implies loses its charm the moment it gets institutionalized. So apart from the fact that the last thing a football team needs is a Chief Tattoo Officer, it is also the last thing the cult of the tattoo needs.