“I didn't want to be alive anymore” - When Michael Phelps opened up on his battle with depression

When it comes to addressing the sensitive topics of mental health and depression, Michael Phelps is one of the few athletes who has brought his own experience to the table. The ace swimmer decided to be vocal about what he went through despite winning gold medals at multiple Olympics.

Back in 2018, Michael Phelps opened up about his battle with depression at the fourth conference of the Kennedy Forum. The Kennedy Forum is a behavioral health advocacy group that was founded in 2013 by former Congressman Patrick Kennedy.

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Michael Phelps on how he fought through the darkest days of his life

In a 20-minute long interview with David Axelrod, a famous American political consultant and former White House official, Michael Phelps talked about his widely celebrated phenomenal career. He also addressed the dark and lesser-known aspects of his personal life that affected him greatly over the course of time. Here are some excerpts:

Michael Phelps traced back to the time when he was encouraged to take part in the 2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney, only to lose by half a second and come back empty-handed. He did not give up hope and brought back six gold and two bronze medals at the 2004 Summer Olympics held in Athens.

Speaking of his massive wins and hunger for more, the Baltimore Bullet commented:

"I think that part is pretty easy - it's hard work, dedication, not giving up. I was always hungry, hungry, and I wanted more. I wanted to push myself really to see what my max was."

However, he also acknowledged how went through his first depression phase in 2004, during the months of October and November:

“Really, after every Olympics I think I fell into a major state of depression... I would say '04 was probably the first depression spell I went through."

Phelps also addressed the problem of drug addiction after some of his regrettable decisions were brought to light and said:

"It would be just me self-medicating myself, basically daily, to try to fix whatever it was that I was trying to run from."

The renowned Olympian revealed how he hit an all-time low after the 2012 London Olympics when he would sit in his bedroom for three to five days and not eat or sleep. He recalled:

"I didn't want to be in the sport anymore ... I didn't want to be alive anymore."

Thankfully, Phelps realized soon after that he needed to seek medical treatment. He revealed how nervous he was on his very first day:

“I remember going to treatment my very first day, I was shaking, shaking because I was nervous about the change that was coming up. I needed to figure out what was going on."

Michael Phelps also revealed how good it felt to share and address his feelings. When asked why he did not seek help earlier, Phelps explained:

"I was very good at compartmentalizing things and stuffing things away that I didn't want to talk about, I didn't want to deal with, I didn't want to bring up - I just never, ever wanted to see those things... I wasn't ready."

The Olympian stressed why there should be no stigma when it comes to mental health and spoke about the changes that are necessary:

“I think people actually finally understand it is real. People are talking about it and I think this is the only way that it can change."

He ended the interview on a positive note, saying:

"I am extremely thankful that I did not take my life."

The world-class swimmer has learned from his own experience and has introduced stress management programs in his own foundation, the Michael Phelps Foundation, which has three pillars – Water Safety, Healthy (Mental & Physical) Living, and Pursuit of Dreams. He also works closely with the national organization, Boys & Girls Clubs of America.