What if WWE stars played football?!

In a parallel universe, the WWE Franchise gets broke and the Superstars are unemployed. What if they try out their skills in football? Surely, there aren’t many things similar between football players and WWE superstars. But, if it did happen, how would the wrestlers fit into a football formation, and together put up a team?

Manager: Paul Bearer.

William Alvin “Bill” Moody, or better known as Paul Bearer, is easily the best manager of all time to grace the ring. His epic look with that ghastly white face, the over-exaggerated facial expressions along with that weird moustache was spooky as hell. He made a better character than many of the superstars at that time. He managed wrestlers like the Undertaker, Mankind and Kane – often engaging in feuds with the Undertaker after betraying him in 1996. One might say that Gary Hart would be a better person to fit in this role, as he was good with the mike, but even Paul was with his shrill voice.

Goal Keeper: Rey Mysterio.

Rey Mysterio is a classic High-Flying wrestlers, and his reflexes make him a perfect choice for this position. Although small in size, he makes it up with his great ability to read the game, and fast paced techique. Always looking to play with his heart out, the Mexican wrestler is one of those good peoples in the wrestling camp. Just like an old, seasoned goalkeeper, he still does many of the same moves he did ten years ago and has even added a few more to his repertoire. One thing that might bug him quite a lot is action in the air. He isn’t really tall, and we can expect him to struggle with set-pieces. But, at least he won’t pull up a Valdes, will he?

Defenders:

Full Backs: Hardy Boyz

Quick, intelligent and synchronized - they achieved a lot together in the world of professional wrestling. They were known for their over-the-top moves in the ring, and for their extreme attitudes outside of the ring. Just like Ashley Cole, aren’t they? Jeff can play as the left back, and start an attack from the wings, and on the other hand Matt, who is a strong player can sit back, read the game and defend. They can even swap positions, and alternate roles, thus providing the team more versatility. Both of them are pretty good and strong in the air, and scoring from headers won’t be a big problem for these two.

Central Defenders: Kane and Bobby Lashley.

Two insane wrestlers with massive strength and tower-esque height will certainly be a nightmare for the strikers.

Kane would be the Mertesacker of the team, not really fast but great in positioning. Kane is a tall guy, and will stand like a huge wall in-front of the goal. Usually inconsistent most of the times, on his day, he stands along with the big guns in the WWE franchise. His scary face will help him to get rid off strikers in the first place itself.

A two-time ECW World Champion, Bobby Lashley became an accomplished wrestler in a short time. Bobby Lashley is someone with a stereotypical large, muscular frame. He’s a big powerhouse, wth legit brawling ability. But unlike Kane, he is much more composed and stable. He can be that player who works really hard, but is pretty much underrated. Nonetheless, he would be a great asset for the team.

Midfielders:

Holding Midfielder: Kurt Angle.

Work rate, technique, vision, dedication – the man has got all of it. He is a total wrestling machine, toughness runs through Kurt’s veins. So it’s no mystery we have seen him come back from 3 or 4 neck injuries and wrestle when he is in serious pain. In comparison with most of the professional holding midfielders in the real world, Kurt will be agonizingly quick. He will be a perfect cover for the defensive line, and with his ‘Never Die Attitude’, he can inspire the team just the way Steven Gerrard does. And, maybe he can even provide those long balls with his strong but firm feet.

Attacking midfielders: The Rock, John Cena and The Undertaker.

The Undertaker’s intimidating presence and impressive in-ring ability for a man his size has kept him on top of the company for over 20 years. He is a big game player, never loses out a Wrestle-mania match – he will be that consistent guy in the team who will never let the fans down, no matter when or where. He isn’t even a guy who is boring, rather he will keep you at the edge of your seats. His entrance with the bell sound in the beginning would electrify the stadium, because they know the “Deadman” is coming out. His stamina is one of a kind, and he has many moves up his sleeves, so the unpredictability factor will certainly help the team. Just like a certain Ronaldinho!

When we talk about shirt sellers, no one can match up with these two. You either love him, or hate him, but the leader of the Fruit Loop Troop, John Cena consistently gets a huge reaction from WWE fans. He has great charisma and strength, thus climbing his way to the top of the company. As for The Rock, who else but the man who calls himself “The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment.” His catchy liners are basically known to all the wrestling fans in the world, and he even gets them to say them along with him. His charisma is unparalleled, and so is his cocky attitude! But, boy no one can question their ability in the ring. John Cena and The Rock have always been coveted with big titles. They share a sweet 17 WWE titles among themselves. David Beckham anyone?

Forwards: Randy Orton and Steve Austin.

In this modern football era, most of the teams rely on counter attacking football. And, for a succesful counter attacking team, you will need fast strikers who can net the ball with ease and composure.

There couldn’t have been a better anti-hero than Stone Cold. He is a bad-ass, drinks beer and hey, the fans love him. What makes him a perfect striker is his ability to strike out of nowhere. He would always go around hitting that Stone Cold Stunner on who ever he wanted. From Vince McMahon, to Stephanie McMahon, to Undertaker, to everyone else. His thunderous stunner can break bones within seconds, and when on the pitch he can pull up goals regularly and consistently as well. With his strong build-up, it will be hard for defenders to neutralize his impact on the pitch.

Randy Orton can pop up with an RKO anytime, anywhere he wants. Everyone loves his Viper gimmick. It makes him mysterious and weird, but people like it. On the pitch, he will be looking to score goals whenever he has the opportunity. He was once a member of the legendary Evolution, thus he can work well even as a complete forward, racking up assists and going deep to collect the ball. Being a fast player, the defenders will be having a tough time marking him.

What do you think about the team? Did I miss out anyone? Of course, I did. Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair - a never ending list!