All eyes are on the United States of America as the 2016 presidential election is quickly approaching. With Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton as the two remaining candidates, the whole process has turned into a complete circus. We have two people who constantly talk about how they're great and the other person is a complete moron.
Honestly, it's become similar to a professional wrestling storyline. All we need is a beer-bellied promoter and a smoke-filled bingo hall.
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Have you ever seen a WWE Superstar and thought to yourself, "hey, that person could be president of the United States!"? Of course not. That's completely ridiculous, right? Well, we at Sportskeeda have decided to have a little fun with all of this election year stress.
We've come up with ten superstars of yesterday and today, that we could see as presidential candidates, in some goofy way or another. For a little bonus, we are adding a vice presidential candidate for each one as well. Here's our list of the 10 WWE Superstars who could be the United States presidential candidates.
10. Stephanie McMahon
If Hillary Clinton can't be the first woman president, there's obviously only one other lady qualified to handle the "Authority" that comes with being the leader of this great land, and that person is Stephanie McMahon-Levesque. For a moment, imagine a Steph ran administration.
There would be zero tolerance for anyone who fails to obey her leadership. The Nation's Capital would be moved from Washington DC to Stamford, Connecticut. This would be so Stephanie could continue her role as Chief Brand Officer for WWE, of course.
As far as her Vice-Presidential candidate, there's only one logical choice and that choice would be The Game, Triple H. With Trips as her first gentleman, he would be responsible for making sure Stephanie has breakfast in bed, the dogs are fed and the lawn is kept well manicured.
By using Triple H for random household duties, it would help reduce the national debt by not having to pay for outside companies to come in and handle these simple tasks. So, if you feel compelled to have more of a structured type of leadership, be sure to write-in your vote for Stephanie McMahon as your next president of the United States.
9. Stone Cold Steve Austin
Sometimes I just get the feeling we would be better off with a common, everyday, meat-eating, beer-drinking man's man as our president. If you have ever felt that same way, look no further, we've found your candidate.
Stone Cold Steve Austin is the perfect fit for all of America's weaknesses. With Austin, we would have a president who won't be afraid to open up a can of whoop-a** on anyone who seeks to do harm to our great nation.
When it comes to a Vice-President running mate, this one was slightly difficult. It takes a special type of person to understand the inner workings of the Rattlesnake and at the end of the day, I could think of only one person for the job. That person is Vincent Kennedy McMahon.
With Vince McMahon at his right hand, President Austin will have someone who has a great deal of experience with trying to make all Americans happy. Also, Mr. McMahon could open a special Kiss My A** Club for anyone who was caught attempting to enter the country illegally.
8. Heath Slater
As I scoured the WWE roster, looking for someone who would be most apathetic to the needs of lower and middle-class America, I finally decided that Heath Slater would be a perfect choice. Slater is someone who has been to the gutter and worked his way to the top. This guy once lived in a single-wide mobile home, with his wife Beulah and their dozen or so children.
Then one day, he decided that he wanted a better life for his army of kids and he kicked and scratched his way to not only a job but even became a tag team champion! Doing so, Slater was able to move his family into a much more efficient double-wide and even afforded a new, above-ground swimming pool. Folks, if that's not the American Dream, well, neither is apple pie.
When it comes to a perfect match to be President Slaters running mate, Rhyno is the only choice. Rhyno has been right there by Heath's side the whole time, even when everyone else had abandoned him. There's no doubt that Rhyno would be a loyal, strong and fierce VP for the Heath Slater administration.
7. Arn Anderson
America is experiencing some tough times lately. The economy is struggling, violent crime is at an all-time high and terrorist organizations are infiltrating our soil at a rapid rate. These tough times call for a tough president and there's no person on the face of this planet tougher than Double A, The Enforcer Arn Anderson.
The speeches will be short, passionate and directly to the point. There will be a renewed sense of strength and an administration as tough as a dollar store steak. Together, with his Vice-Presidential running mate, Tully Blanchard, the White House will certainly be a place of no-nonsense and all business.
Tully and Arn were notoriously known for their brute force, stern demeanor and ability to work their way out of any difficult situation. They both possess the perfect attitude and testicular fortitude necessary to run the U.S. Arn Anderson is a blue collar man's man. He's someone we all can relate to and with Tully at his side, no one messes with 'Murica.
6. Zeb Colter
You and I both would be hard pressed to find another individual as patriotic and as devoted to his country as Zeb Colter is. As a young man, Zeb served The United States of America honorably as a member of the U.S. Army's 25th Infantry Division.
Zeb was also awarded a Vietnam Service Medal for his admirable service during the war in Vietnam. His patriotism carried over into his wrestling career, as he was always quick to show his undying allegiance to the Red, White, and Blue.
Alberto Del Rio may not be the first name you think of when you think of a VP candidate for the United States. However, Zeb Colter and Del Rio worked together in the WWE to vastly improve relations between natural born citizens and "Mex-Americans." Del Rio has the swagger that no other Vice President in the Nation's history has had.
Colter and Del Rio will work together to improve relations between Mexico and America. There are even rumors that Zeb will make an offer to buy Mexico and make it all one mega-nation. Imagine seeing your grandkids grow up in "The United States of Mex-America!"
5. Bray Wyatt
I know, I know...a majority of my readers are rolling their eyes at this pick. But, I am going to challenge you to think outside of your political partisan box for one moment. Most of us have grown tired of the same old, day-to-day, crooked practices in politics. It's just a big scheme to tax the hard working and pat the bottoms of the wealthy. Well, are you ready for that machine to come down?
If so, The Eater of Worlds is the ideal candidate for you. His political platform will be simple. He will completely dismantle everything you know and have grown to hate about the American political system a day reconstruct it, right into your hands. There will be no more tax hikes, fuel will be under a dollar per gallon and the Nation's bird will now be the firefly.
When it comes to the pick for President Bray Wyatt's running mate, we need someone who will help keep the newly reconstructed financial system in check and while we will have no increase in taxes, we must have someone in place to assure everyone is indeed paying their fair share. That person just so happens to be President Wyatt’s father, I.R.S. himself.
4. Hulk Hogan
We are all well aware of the controversy that has surrounded The Hulkster over the past several years. He was involved in a sex tape scandal, he was recorded saying some racially insensitive remarks and he lost his gig with the WWE. However, in the end, Hulkamania ran wild all over Gawker Media and Hogan was awarded like a gazillion dollars.
Since those days, Hulk Hogan has worked tirelessly to redeem himself and restore his image as the one and only TRUE "Real American." With John Cena as his Vice-Presidential candidate, they will bring the power of the 24-inch pythons and the inspiration of Cena's never give up message, to a country in need of a little motivation.
Whatchya gonna do, when Hulkamania and the Cenation take control of the U.S.A., bruther?!?!
3. Paul Heyman
Ladies and gentlemen, his name is Paul Heyman and he is not only the advocate for the Beast Incarnate, but he is also the advocate for everyone who ever had a dream, worked hard to achieve their dream and eventually, made their dream a reality. When Paul was a kid, he was building his own businesses, while other children in his community were playing hide-n-seek.
Paul Heyman has always seen his projects all the way through and been involved, first hand with all of his ventures. America needs a man with the sharp wit and keen vision for the betterment of our Nation's future. Paul Heyman is our guy.
Paul has only one man he trusts to be his right-hand man and that man is the one and only, Brock Lesnar. Washington DC will officially be renamed to "Suplex City" and there will be pyro and entrance music played every time Heyman and Lesnar go anywhere. This will let everyone in their path know they mean business.
Paul Heyman is great at persuading people into doing whatever he wants. As President, Heyman will rely heavily on these tactics when trying to negotiate with other nations around the world.
2. The New Day
Ah, America! Don't you dare be sour....VOTE for your world famous, two-time tag team champions and feel the power!
At last, we have the opportunity to vote into office, three for the price of one! The New Day will successfully get into the white house and avoid all the bureaucratic red tape by implementing the Freebird Rule for the first and likely the only time in the history of our great nation.
With Kofi, Xavier and Big E occupying the White House, the power of positivity will be in a great abundance. Together, they will all three work together to make sure that each and every home in America is appropriately stocked with plenty of Booty-O's. "Booty-O's....they make sure, you ain't booty!"
With three sitting presidents at once, there's not much room for a Vice-President. However, we found one lady, perfect for the job as First Lady. Francesca is the epitome of class, sexiness and absolute beauty. Francesca will fill the hallowed halls of the Nation's Capital with her irresistible sound and when she's not in use, she can always be seen at the right hand of her first love, Co-President Xavier Woods.
1. Kurt Angle
Let's be honest, there's only one person worthy of the number one spot on this list. Never before has America had a true American hero, the caliber of Kurt Angle. This Olympic gold medalist has always shown the world his undying love and adoration towards his country and as President, Kurt would continue to represent his love for this great nation as he implements his plan of making sure all Americans have the ability to be who they want to be and do what they want to do.
Angle is a strong proponent in keeping kids active and involved in organized sports. Also, Kurt is on the forefront in keeping wrestling in the Olympics.
As far as a VP for President Angle, there's one current WWE Superstar who has the same love for his country that Kurt Angle has and that's the Real American, Jack Swagger. Swagger is just a good ole' corn-fed, hard working feller from the flatlands of the great state of Oklahoma.
Jack is a multi-sport standout, with a degree from the University of Oklahoma. Swagger comes from a hard working family and was raised with tremendous ethics and patriotism. Angle and Swagger together, for America, by two REAL Americans. We...the people.
