I wish Luke Harper had more to do.
Luke Harper is awesome. He’s a big dude that moves incredibly well for his shape, which is the shape of “Guy who lives down the road from the Sawyer family, and sells them farm animal bones for a fair price.” He was always the undercover ring general of Wyatt Family affairs. He’s as tough as he looks and way better than you think. But his character is one of the few that I genuinely want to win in the end. And that’s hard to happen when he’s seemingly just a loose end to a larger story.
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Luke’s been the most consistent Wyatt member, aside from Bray, even with missed time due to an injury. Braun was held back on Raw so he can run straight into a creative brick wall. Erick Rowan missed most of the recent events of importance, although fingers crossed he’s back sooner rather than later.
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So when he got pushed aside to make room for Randy Orton, who I never trusted in the first place, I was real-life upset for him. He deserves to be a Wyatt. He deserves more TV time. Luke Harper could easily be a World Championship threat, but it needs to happen now. He’s not a young guy. I’d love to see him come back and help Bray put down Randy Orton, with Erick Rowan close behind. We deserve the Wyatt Family back together so they can do what they couldn’t when The Shield was around.
Be the best faction in WWE, ever.
I wish Tyler Breeze and Fandango were hosting the Hall Of Fame Red Carpet.
Breezango deserves ALL THE TV TIME. Look, I’ve been accused of having low-brow taste, and for the most part, that’s true. But I know comedy. I embrace the fun stuff and seek out the tragic. My favourite current comics are Tim Dillon, Geoff Tate and Ron Funches. All time, probably Richard Pryor and George Carlin. So obviously I have good taste, but I also understand that the level of comedy has to be adjusted for pro wrestling shows. It’s important, but not a top priority.
So when teams (the best comedy in wrestling comes from teams) like Team Hell No, Golden Truth, Heath & Rhyno, and Breeze and Fandango work so well together in backstage segments, it sticks out. And it’s violently appreciated by me.
If we’re getting a ringer to give us weather updates in Orlando on Sunday, why don’t they reach in-house and get the two most well-dressed superstars to judge all the Superstars and celebrities on who they’re wearing? They can hand out tickets to everyone wearing Usos shirts. They should be doing it on the red carpet going into the stadium; they should run around solving mysteries backstage during the show, they should hand out tickets at Gorilla position to every superstar before they make their entrance until they get beat up by someone.
Just make Breezango SmackDown’s New Day at WrestleMania, but funny.
I wish John Cena was a face.
He’s not. He’s the rich white kid bully jock. Ever watch 80’s movies or TV? or ANY movies or TV? He’s Chaz from Back To School or Greg from Just One Of The Guys. Or whoever the villain was in High School Musical, for you millennials.
The problem is, he’s sold to the WWE Universe as the best guy! He’s good to the kids! He’s Superman with louder colour schemes! He’s brand loyal (does that mean he hates everything about Raw?)! He...kind of hates women? It’s weird, but Cena has had this thing his whole career where he’s kind of a jerk to women. There’s really no reason for it unless you’re a heel because a man being terrible to women generates instant heat. Or it should be until they made it the norm with Cena.
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I don’t mind John Cena at all. I actually really like him as a wrestler, especially these days. I just wish if he was going to be the top good-doing dude, he should do good things. Like NOT smacking guys in the junk like your name is Chet. Like NOT calling women names and insulting everything from their looks to their lack of children. Miz and Maryse make fun of Cena and Nikki for canon stuff they saw on Total All The Shows. Saying they’re not married and don’t have kids is a fair heel move. John’s Cena’s response is “Well, uh, you’re only married, you ALSO don’t have children.”
Thanks, debate team captain, John Cena!
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