5 dream scenarios for CM Punk's WWE return

He didn’t leave the WWE, he was just napping.

#3 Immediate Oversaturation

Then. Now. Forever CM Punk.

You know how everyone complains that Roman Reigns is pushed down the fans’ throats and that’s why none of the internets like him? You know how, even to this day, crowds will chant “ CM PUNK!” even though nobody’s talking about him and he’s not there, and they’re not even in Chicago? I think a fun way to make fans look like blithering idiots would be to secretly re-sign Punk, and then the next time they’re in Chicago, have Roman come out and cut this promo:

“This is my yard, I’m the dog in this yard, it’s mine and only mine, and you can’t have it! And by the way, I may be a dog, but I’m also a human dog which means I have opposable thumbs, so I can work a pair of garden shears and a lawn mower because I like to keep my yard well groomed. And me, because I’m a dog. A dog who owns THIS yard like a man! Not the dumb UFC yard that is smelly and only smelly people go there.”

Punk’s music would hit, the crowd would erupt with one thousand million pops, and CM Punk would GTS Roman into retirement. Then, later that night he would get a Universal Championship match, win it, and then the next week win the Intercontinental Championship. The week after THAT, he would win the Raw Tag Team Championship by himself, at the same time winning the Raw Women’s Championship in a “Deed to Vince’s House On A Pole Match.”

At Summerslam, he would challenge Smackdown for all of THEIR belts and Tye Dillinger would be like “Bro, you’re not very good at...challenges.” and everyone would laugh, but then Punk would win all of their belts and also control of the company in a No DQ match. He would call himself "The King Of The Bruiserweights" and live on campus at Full Sail University.

Soon, all of the Network would just be CM Punk Collections and interviews and documentaries about his tattoos, and WWE TV programming would be Punk walking around backstage by himself until he found the ring, and then he’d sit in the middle of the ring and talk about how wrestling is stupid.

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