The 5 Eternal Lies in the WWE

Never judge a book by its cover. All that glitters is not gold. Black and white stripes could also mean a white tiger. I could go on all day, but you get the gist. Beneath the sleek and shimmering glamour that almost instantly arrests the public eye, there’s a robust river of sludge.

This is certainly not the first time you’ve heard that either, but it’s typically associated with mainstream show business. The WWE might be more niche in the world of entertainment but it isn’t free of the trappings of the life.

But what goes on behind closed doors is private, isn’t it? It hasn’t been for a while, frankly. But here are 5 of the top “exaggerations” that the WWE can never correct:

1. It’s all FAKE!!!

Celebrities are a common go-to in legitimizing wrestling

The WWE was magnetic back in the 70s and the 80s. The public found the almost myth-like sensationalized battles between gargantuan gladiators irresistible. Until the 90s came along and the bubble burst.

Amidst the steroid controversy, Vince McMahon was forced to admit that wrestling was “scripted” and just like that, the expressions changed from spell-bound to furious. The WWE were forced down the rabbit-hole and they broke through it with a roar. The Attitude Era is just one of the results of that evolution.

2. They’re not THAT big

Their success was inversely proportional to their size

The premise of wrestling is to have fantastically muscled hulks maul each other in front of throngs of screaming fans. Problem is, these guys need to have a bit more than just big muscles.

The argument here isn’t the non-wrestling skills, though it is very relevant. Finding big guys who can keep the crowd engaged with their mouths is tough. And as we’ve seen, it’s more often the smaller guys who have the gift of the gab.

Everybody knows Vince’s love affair with giants. But just like the Jurassic and Triassic eras, the WWE would have become history if there were only giants walking around. Enter the saviours of the WWE – guys with real character and personality, but a little undersized.

So in keeping with the stated premise, the WWE always enhances them on paper – for eg, John Cena is around 6 foot even, but is ‘billed’ at 6’1” or 6’2”, and is proclaimed to weigh 250 pounds, which is a little hard to believe.

3. The injuries

Rollins tore his ACL, one of the most devastating injuries imaginable, during a match

Make everyone who says wrestling is fake read this. Yes, the moves they do don’t do damage in the way they are purported to, but that doesn’t mean they can’t horribly hurt the wrestlers.

Anyone who’s seen the progression of wrestling from the glorious Attitude Era to the Ruthless Aggression Era to now will bemoan the extiniction of the chair shots, the Piledrivers and hardcore matches.

Fans crave to be entertained. That is the Holy Grail of wrestling, but the costs are too high. Concussions, heart disease, neck injuries and substance addiction to deal with them are grim reminders of the cost of entertainment.

4. Cooking the books

Where are the rest of you?

Did you know the biggest WrestleMania isn’t strictly the biggest? While the figure they quoted was over 100,000, the actual number of people in attendance, most likely going by tickets sold, was around 97,000.

But including backstage staff and complimentary tickets and whatnot, the figure sets an all-time “attendance” record. This is nothing new to the WWE, who’ve exagerrated figures for a number of PPVs in the past.

5. They’re closer than you think

She lived in Russia for a while

Storylines call for a lot of things to be fictionalized and wrestlers’ identities aren’t spared. Ivan Koloff, a Quebec native, debuted as an eyepatch wearing Irishman in the regional circuit before entering the WWE as ‘The Russian Bear’.

Even Lana, who would give any Russian beauty a run for her money, is from Florida. But perhaps the longest stretch was Muhammad Hassan, an Italian-American from New York.