The Bad 1
Summer's just around the corner. She's there with Emma, and Dana, and Paige, and Alicia.
Raw seems to have the same problem across the board, so I guess they’re consistent in that area. The area of sucking. Just kidding. Sorta. The Raw Women’s division had a main event feud between Sasha Banks and Charlotte this year that was pretty damn special. The booking got a little dumb when there was a mathematical formula laid out pretty early: Charlotte wins at PPVs, Sasha wins on Raw. They basically set out the booking rhythm, and stuck to it, in an attempt to drain the matches of any surprise or emotion.
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Sasha and Charlotte are dope wrestlers, though, so even when the history they were making felt forced, the matches were still stellar. The were the only good thing about Raw for a good stretch, so of course, it made sense to stick with what works. But it had to end, which is good. If you have a plan for what comes next.
Apparently, the plan was “oh crap, we forgot about literally everyone else. Um, can we just throw everyone we have into one match like we do every year? No, Smackdown’s already doing that? And their’s would have more women in it? Ok, well we can’t do JUST two women, fans would be confused, this is Wrestlemania, stupid. Who else do we have besides Charlotte and most of Sasha? No, Alicia Fox is busy not wrestling near wrestlers on the least important wrestling part of the show.
Nah, Emma’s still in the middle of her return entrance. I think Paige is in Mexico that week. No, I haven’t seen Summer Rae, either. I guess we can just throw Sasha’s friend Bayley the belt until Wrestlemania, so she has to be there by default. Oh yeah! Throw Nia Jax in there, and we can have a Fatal 4-Way! That’s one more than a Triple Threat! Math!”
And then like a month before Mania, Dana Brooke is all “Hey guys, I’ve gotten much better in every aspect very quickly! Got anything for me? And they were like “Not really.”
The Bad 2
Why doesn’t Seth just wallop Trips across the head with that crutch?
For real, why does he need to wait until Wrestlemania? He’s super mad, right? He’s in the ring to sign a contract that says if he dies or anything close it’s on him. So obviously he’s willing to put his physical well-being and career on the line to get a chance to tear HHH apart.
If he’s THAT angry, when and where Seth clocks Triple H shouldn’t matter. If you wait until Wrestlemania, Not only will Trips have some Kryptonite Exoskeleton from his entrance, but even if Seth wins, what’s to stop H from making his life hell anyway? Or even firing him?
I think we all know the answer lies in the darkest caves of Ireland. A princely figure, but one with a bullet. A real monster and builder of Lego.
It’s Finn. It’s gonna be Finn.
The Bad 3
Big Show’s long hard road to a consolation prize.
Big Show vs. Shaquille O'Neal was announced like a year ago. So Big Show came out of hibernation in time to promote that match, around the same time Shaq got rightfully scared and backed out.
To compensate a hungry Big Show, they put him in a match he’s already conquered, and since Gossamer Strowman isn’t as important as Roman Reigns and The Undertaker, they’re gonna rekindle that feud which is fine, they put on a great singles match a few weeks ago. I’d much rather it wasn’t gonna happen in the middle of the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal, though.
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That will ultimately detract from the two actual biggest dudes being able to put on a surprisingly solid big-man match, and from every other wrestler in the battle royal. I love Show as a person, so I kinda wanted to see him in a fun match against a goofy celebrity in what is likely his last Wrestlemania.
I guess Shaq wins by getting Big Show to waste a whole year preparing for their match, only to be put in a match he’s already won before.
The Bad 4
The Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns: Dogfight
I’ve talked enough smack about this match, but boy howdy, that was rough.
Did The Undertaker just interrupt his own video promo to turn the arena lights on and off like an annoying little brother? Is Roman still promoting this match by being all “Whatever, bro.” about everything? The golden boy and the golden goose are being treated like regular eggs, and we get to see which one will slowly roll off the table first.
Wrestlemania season, bro.
The Bad 5
Sami Zayn’s series of unfortunate events that lead him to finally being separated from Kevin Owens and heading over to Smackdown Live, where he can at last have room to thrive and show the world the extent of his abilities. Maybe. Wait. Nope, nevermind.
Thinkin’ about becoming a YA author! Whaddaya think?
I’ve addressed my criticism of Sami and Kevin being an overused match up, even when we were told this was not going to be a thing. Assumptions that Sami would be drafted to a separate show from KO from the start were proven wrong. Then proven wrong again and again every time there was even a hint of the possibility.
So I was kinda stoked about the idea of Sami getting beaten out of Raw, only to show up at SDL and get a well deserved run at the top. Which of course means that’s not at all what they were gonna do, and we get Sami floundering on Raw for the foreseeable future. Also, I was pretty sure we were gonna get to see Samoa Joe and Sami tear it up at Mania, but that doesn’t seem likely now.
So I guess KO vs. Y2J is the match I’m most excited for, and I already know the ending to that one.
The Good
Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens
I can spew all the negative garbage I want about how fighting forever is not a good idea, but it’s hard to back up when they put on great matches every time they lock up. This match didn’t have anything new; it was just good. Not “just good” for the show it was on, but a good match for anywhere, at anytime. The two of them know each other so well I feel like if you asked them to put on a Wrestlemania worthy classic on a random Thursday morning, they’d be ready in less than an hour, and deliver beyond expectations.
Also on the plus side, Jericho got to list Kevin for the first time before he bounces for a Fozzy tour, and he got to dust Joe on his way out. Joe’s still around and fingers crossed he’s gonna get added to the card with Sami, although chances are slim since Sami’s already in the Andre Memorial. If Joe gets into it, maybe they’ll have a mini-feud before they forget about Sami for another four months. Also, see The Bad 3 for more reasons I don't like this. If it gets added last minute, I’ll be happy, but I’ll have words for Raw’s time management skills.
But yeah, if Kevin and Sami keep giving me good matches I guess I’ll have to shut my stupid mouth.
The Upsidedown
The Good 1 - Austin Aries competently building to his match against Neville at Mania, and STILL conducting a better backstage interview than 100 Tom Phillipses.
The Good 2 - Seth admitting he liked himself before he met Triple H(Re: broke up the Shield). Me too, Seth.
The Good 3 - Golden Truth being the only wrestlers smart enough to jump ship before getting chokeslammed by Big Show.
The Good 4 - Jack Gallagher on TV.
The Good 5 - The idea that Al Roker is going to start covering the weather surrounding major wrestling events.
The Bad
The Go Home show
Historically, the Raw before a Pay Per View, or the “go-home” episode, is super boring. All the matches have been set for weeks, and no one wants to risk injury beforehand, so it’s reduced to a 3-hour long trailer for the biggest show.
The Wrestlemania go-home show is the worst. It’s super holding pattern-y, during the holding patternest month of the year. It’s the exact opposite of the Raw AFTER Wrestlemania. So NOBODY wants ANYBODY to get hurt, lest they lose their Mania spot. So wrestling is kept to a minimum. Goldberg was barely allowed to do one of his two moves, and it just looked like an aggressive hug. I’m surprised Taker was allowed outside of the house.
No new plot advancement because they’ve already done that. Honestly, if you asked the clowns in creative to help at all this close to the big show, they’d probably be able to write an excellent script for why they haven’t done their job in years. I’m assuming that’s how they keep their jobs. Yay, Wrestlemania season.
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