5 Superstars who should retire after WrestleMania 34

Simple enough really, the WWE roster is overstuffed and needs some trimming. Besides some should be releases (Dolph Ziggler), the next obvious category comprises of those who’ve hung on way past their best or surely must have better things to do.

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I’m not naïve enough to list the members of the McMahon family, seeing as they’ll still be on our TV dictating the action for years to come, despite wearing out their welcome a long time ago. I’ll be there leading the applause when Triple H does finally decide to hang them up, but until then, here are the Superstars on the Wrestlemania 34 card who should retire.

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#5 Brock Lesnar

Eat, Sleep, leave for UFC

Well, you all knew this was coming. Reports of the UFC wanting Lesnar back to be the cash cow were hitting the dirt sheets before Conor McGregor decided to make some mad career decisions.

Now that the Notorious One is making himself a nuisance to deal with out of the cage, the appeal of getting the vanilla gorilla back to hit a double-leg takedown, sell a ton of PPVs and live in isolation the rest of the year sounds like a dream for Dana White.

While its hard to imagine he’ll possibly make as much as he has from the WWE in his second spell, the allure of fighting is obviously doing more for Lesnar than the paycheck. Great to have money, eh?

In all seriousness, having watched Lesnar’s entire career, it couldn’t be more obvious that he prefers being in the cage and only giving a half-hearted effort in the ring is not doing anyone any favours (see Sunday in the ill-advised main event).

There have been ups and downs but it is definitely time Lesnar retired from WWE action. A one-off appearance or two to put over the next yet-to-be identified monster could yet be a way to get the suplex-city, ground and pound best we all know Lesnar is capable of.

Those will be some way down the road, however, and assuming he can regain a focus on a single venture. Good luck against Jon Jones, Brock!

#4 Kurt Angle

Kurt Angle's best days are well behind him

Oh, it's true; it's true. The Olympic hero with a broken neck from over two decades ago probably looks better than expected for someone who has reportedly been forced into retirement several times over the course of his career.

At some point, though, you probably really should do what’s best for your long-term health, especially with the chance to go out on a high on Sunday.

Angle still has some dream matches to fulfill, you say? His awkward performance in the Survivor Series main event, when Cena was working the hardest he has ever done to get someone over, shows all anyone really needs to know.

When Big Show has more agility than you, it is definitely time to retire and settle for what has been an undisputed legendary career. Let’s not tarnish it, Kurt.

#3 The Miz

The WWE

are

lucky to have The Miz at their disposal

A bit of a different angle here so bear with me, Mizfits; I am one of you. While I don’t think he should retire exactly, I can’t say I expect his in-ring work to get much better during the last phase of his career.

With this in mind, I see Miz being in a unique position in that his legacy and value to the WWE could actually dramatically increase with not being an active competitor.

In the hope of trying to explain: he has been WWE Champion and closed the show at Wrestlemania, yet he is a good but not great worker. The reason for this is he is far and away the best talker on the active roster, and most significantly raises the profile of everything associated with him.

Rather than limiting him to one segment a week with creative giving him garbage to turn into something palatable, why not make him a voice for the brand? I’m not talking about an announcer or GM; I mean a character and a presence on the weekly show who directs audience attention to the right areas, hypes up the right guys, insults what’s terrible and gives some motivation to the characters.

He can do this outside of WWE as well, and who knows what he might be able to do for the company spending less time in the ring? John Cena is doing this now you say? When has Cena ever got a young guy over or even mentioned anything but the main event?

Miz has seen it all in his career and you can believe him when he’s talking about new guys trying to gain acceptance, being terrible and slowly improving.

In a WWE filled with mute, one-dimensional acts from the opener to the main event, please use the Miz who acts like a human being and gets reactions to his full potential so that it benefits the product as a whole.

I genuinely cannot stress enough how lucky I feel the WWE is to have someone as committed to them as the Miz clearly is. It would just a crying shame not to make the most of it.

#2 The Undertaker

The Undertaker should return as The American Badass

OK, where was I? Undertaker looked like an octogenarian last year in Orlando and we’re expected to want to see him again?

I just don’t know what to say anymore. He should have retired at any point the last six years, it looked like he finally and mercifully did too late last year, and now they’re at it again with the worst build up to Mania yet?

Don’t hate me those of you who watch every week but what would have been the difference between Cena doing nothing in the lead-up and what they’ve actually done?

The only difference I see is they might actually have been able to swerve a mystery opponent for Cena when he’s finally out there in New Orleans calling out the old man. Now even that wouldn’t work because everyone is expecting American Badass to show up or them to set something up for later.

It really does pain me to say it because Undertaker is one of the main reasons I’ve watched so much pro wrestling. However, I never want to see him wrestle a singles match again.

My compromise is the only good outcome I can see on Sunday: Kid Rock plays him out to the uncensored version of American Badass with WWE’s clean-cut Captain America looking shocked in the ring, and then smashes him with a chain or pipe before a final run of three-minute tag matches with Kane, until they’re finally beaten and can ride off into the sunset together. That’s my wishful thinking. Just retire.

#1 Roman Reigns

Another year, another WrestleMania main event for The Big Dog

Just kidding… or am I?

#1 Michael Cole

It's time for Michael Cole to go

For all my pet peeves and annoyances (valid and invalid) regarding the WWE, the most concrete gripe and longest-standing grudge is the voice of Michael Cole in my ears

It is a fact that the longer Cole has been boring us to tears with his passionless droll, the more listening fans have dropped the show completely.

It is a fact that the more Cole is spoon-fed lines from the back about the next big star, the quicker they have been met with go-away hatred from fans.

It is a fact that a huge, huge portion of the watching audience who grew up and fell in love with wrestling listening to Gorilla, Heenan, Schiavone and J.R, now watch the WWE without sound because they cannot stand Cole

Cole is treated like a Superstar by Vince McMahon, but everyone else is waiting for the day he retires. It can’t come soon enough.

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