Creatively Impaired: The intellectual babyface of the unwashed masses?

The Bella Twins vs. AJ Lee & Tamina replacing actual title match at Hell In A Cell

I have nothing against the Bella Twins. Yes, the only reason they were hired was because they are twins, and yes, it’s pretty easy to tell them apart nowadays, but they are decent characters who are actually somewhat decent in the ring. The problem here is that they are getting exposure on the sole basis that they are fucking the two top guys in the company. But like I said, I have nothing against them for that.

If I was a woman and I had a chance to sleep with Cena or Bryan, I’d totally go for it. Hell, I don’t think I’d even need to be a woman. But the fact that WWE thinks that we’re going to get behind the Bellas because of who they’re in a relationship with or what reality show they are on is stupid.

I don’t mind seeing Brie involved in Bryan’s storyline, they’re getting married for Christ’s sake. But I don’t want to see Brie in the title picture. There is no way to justify her being Divas Champion. And yes, she’s totally going to win the Divas Championship. We’re going to get a little happy couple of champions who will forever be…wait, I’m staring to veer of track of what my original point was.

Apparently instead of an actual title match between AJ and Brie we’re getting the Bellas vs. AJ and her personal Diesel, Tamina Snuka. The buy rates are gonna go through the roof when that match is announced.

Big E Langston/Curtis Axel program being planned

This one isn’t really a rumour anymore, as the internet’s favourite big black bootied wrestler (sorry Naomi) joined forces with CM Punk on Smackdown and took out Curtis Axel and Ryback. Big E Langston is a rare case of Big Man, as the internet fucking loves him. For good reason too.

The guy is good in the ring, good on the mic, extremely entertaining, has a nice ass. All they need to do is let him do his five count gimmick from NXT and he’ll easily be one of the most over people on the roster. When he eventually faces Axel for the IC title, you can take it to the bank that he’s winning that title. And from that moment on, it will be the moment starting then of the Genesis of Big E Langston.

Los Matadores to square off against the Real Americans

Sure, I guess. I don’t really care for Los Matadores and the only reason I care about the Real Americans is because Cesaro is awesome. The feud makes sense, and it’s about time we had a real feud in the low-card, but will anyone actually care? Whatever, as long I get to see Cesaro Big Swing El Torito for ten minutes I’ll be happy.

WWE wants Goldberg and Sting for WrestleMania XXX

Ah, it’s that time of year again. When the leaves turn orange, pumpkin pie is served, and reports of Sting wrestling at WrestleMania make their way onto the internet. Would it be cool to see Sting in WWE? Or course. Would he actually have a good match with the Undertaker? Probably not.

Sting’s old, and not old in a cool “I can put on a five star match once a year” type of way. The dude wrestles with a shirt on. Maybe if he actually came to WWE he could team up with Rey Mysterio and form the “Old Wrestlers Who Are Self-Conscious About Their Body”. I could see a good tag title run from them. But Sting isn’t coming to the WWE. He probably never will. Reports also say that Goldberg might be coming back for WrestleMania XXX too. Yeah, that’s not happening either.

The dirt sheet information on what mega stars are returning for WrestleMania are about as solid as the dirt sheet reports on what former mid-level talent will be appearing for Royal Rumble. And let’s be honest, Goldberg wasn’t that amazing of a wrestler. If he had a match at ‘Mania (which would most likely be against Ryback), it would end up sucking.

So let’s just try and be happy only having Brock, Rock, Triple H, and Undertaker as our part-timers who do WrestleMania, okay?