Gimmick Some Lovin': "Little Blue Pills" on a Pole match

The Match

Pictured: The entire buildup to this match. This conversation occurs, then there's a commercial, then this match.

Every match has its virtues, its own unique strengths that no other match can offer. The greatest virtue this match holds is that it's short. Blessedly short. Mercifully short. The finish comes out of nowhere, and we are better for it because it puts this ill-conceived concept to rest.

Those "rules" Schiavone explained during the entrances? They were inconsistent at best, and nobody in the match (including the "default Create-A-Wrestler" referee and his quintessentially-2000 soul patch) seems to know how they actually affect the finish. At multiple points, the two men go for pinfall attempts oblivious to the prescription medication hanging above the ring, while the announcers spout an endless fountain of juvenile humour.

Go ahead and guess which person in this picture escaped WCW with the potential to continue succeeding in a major wrestling promotion.

The only time the gimmick of the match even remotely comes into play is the finish; part of the joy of matches wherein an object (be it a briefcase, title belt, kendo stick, or Judy Bagwell) is suspended above the ring is the art of the climb. The battle for verticality, and the array of counters used to keep one's opponent from reaching the pinnacle of success makes or breaks a climbing-centric match.

This match has one climb for the pills. One. Billy Kidman hits his Unprettier totally original finisher that he didn't steal from Christian, then goes straight up the turnbuckles in the corner where the bottle hangs, then retrieves it. The referee, however, is halfheartedly distracted by Torrie Wilson, so he doesn't see Kidman commit prescription drug fraud, and Douglas is able to grab the bottle and use it to assist his "Franchiser" finisher, smashing the "glass" bottle and sending SweeTarts medicine all over the ring (some of which, somehow, gets into Kidman's mouth).

Then the bell rings. Seriously. That's the finish. Just hitting Kidman with the bottle gives Shane Douglas the win. It's both satisfying (because it gets us out of this garbage contest) and frustrating (because, seriously, how does that make any sense?) at the same time.