RAW Retort – I don't have Kool Aid in my veins

When it was announced that RAW would be starting with a contract signing between Bryan and Cena, I was a bit worried that it was going to be quite boring. The best parts of the contract signings are the nasty barbs about your opponent’s mother, grandiose claims about how badly your opponent is going to be beaten, and the creative way in which the set ends up getting trashed.

With two kind, gentle, and beloved faces like Bryan and Cena, how are they going to make a contract signing at all interesting? Add in a Maddox! Okay, I’ve not been a big Maddox fan from the start, and I still think that he has a very long way to go, but he was a lot better than expected.

It was obvious that Maddox is channelling the McMahon that McMahon wants us to see right now. Much of this stems from the rumors that have flown around about Bryan, and then that interview where HBK commented on someone McMahon didn’t like, and everyone thought he mean Bryan.

The IWC really loves jumping to conclusions, but even more than that, I love watching art imitating life imitating art. That Triple H and Steph are harassing Maddox the way they harassed Vickie only further makes me wonder what the plans for the young guy really are.

I was not at all interested when I saw Sheamus and ADR heading for the ring, but they were stronger than I expected. That ADR had something other than his opponent’s left arm, the match was much more creative and entertaining. Sheamus’ bruised leg still looked seriously painful, but he took a beating and kept going back for more. I’m thrilled to see him proving that he’s so much more than a ginger wannabe.

The Prime Time Players looked better in some ways, but still not up to par for the people they’re facing. Christian and Ziggler are huge strides ahead of both Young and O’Neil. I know Young and O’Neil need to face better opponents to get better themselves, but to me, they seemed like pathetic excuses for opponents for both Christian and Ziggler. Both of them deserve better, much better.

Bryan and Cena backstage talking about Bryan’s obstacles was quite strong, and they worked really well together, but I cannot say the same for Booker T with Teddy Long and Ryback with Josh. I know Booker T and Long have to work out their issues and possible feud, and they cannot do it on Smackdown as Vickie threw Long out, but the way they handled it on RAW was rather lame. And Ryback needs a manager. I cannot understand why they continue to let Ryback talk on RAW. It’s a travesty.

Speaking of travesties on the mic, I don’t know what’s happened with Henry, but he’s really becoming enjoyable. He’s admitting his shortcomings on mic, and loosening up enough to make some jokes. He’s not being corny or silly, but I have to admit that I had to stop the show for a couple moments for my family and I to laugh at Henry’s Kool Aid comment.

He’s willing to admit that he looked like the Kool Aid Man back when he ran with MVP and wore that horrible red onesie. It’s nice to see him levelling out from that fantastic night on mic, right back to being his old terrible self. Many people think that Henry needs to be a big bad to get anywhere in the WWE, but I think that Henry needs some humor to come across as anything but boring. Maybe not sleeping with Mae Young type of humor, but more than being the big bad without any humor at all.

Fandango and Cody Rhodes continue pushing forward in the ring. Fandango is a few steps behind Cody, but they’re both making strides. I’m hoping that Sandow will step into the ring and step things up as well. Since Cody and Sandow are stepping into this feud, I just think it’s about time Fandango finds a feud of his own.

And since we’re talking about needing feuds, RVD could use one of his own also. If he’s going to be sticking around, I would hope he’d step into a storyline and bring more to the table than some serious ring work and some minor blood-letting. Barrett, sadly for him, was at the bad end of RVD’s foot and ended up being the bloodletter of the night, but it happens. Then again, it seems like it happens more often with RVD around.

Punk on mic is a force to be reckoned with. The man is one of the few who can really keep the fans in the palm of his hand, no matter how long he wants to keep us there. Further, he’s feuding with his real life best friend, and as we learned from watching HBK and Triple H, the closest friends will give us some of the best feuds.

Heyman doesn’t have to work the ring for this feud to work, and Brock doesn’t have to be part of the actual relationship for the fight to make sense. This is actually a brilliant storyline for so many reasons, and the biggest draw of the three of them barely has to show his face.

A great way to keep Brock’s appearances down while keeping him in a tightly woven storyline. I’m blown away, and it’s obvious that Heyman and Punk have quite a hand in the creating and writing of this storyline. We’ve always known Heyman is a wrestling genius, and Punk is so well rounded, but he’s adding more to his resume with this venture.

Then there’s Daniel Bryan. Is there anything that man can’t do? Just when you think you’ve seen his best, he steps into the ring with the likes of Swagger and manages to walk out unscathed. It was a short match, but Swagger’s been playing by a whole other set of rules lately.

The fans sure ripped Swagger apart with some of the loudest and most hateful chants of the night. That Swagger stopped dead in his tracks at the sound of the chants showed that he still doesn’t have what it takes to be a top guy. Bryan stepped in the ring with Ryback, the one man stupid enough to question Bryan’s ring skills the last time they faced off, and Ryback is still standing – though the fans pretty much chewed him up and spit him out with the ‘You can’t wrestle!’ and ‘Goldberg!’ chants.

I will say he came back well with a perfect suplex, but one perfect suplex doesn’t make a great wrestler. But the best moments of the night came between Bryan and Cesaro. Hopefully Cesaro’s stock improved from his time in the ring with Bryan. Cesaro is one of the best on the roster, and it’s nice to see him able to show his skills.

He’s by far the strongest person Bryan has faced in the ring recently – both physically, and the skills he possesses. Those two men had the fans on their feet and riled up for the better part of twenty minutes. Few matches do that, even Iron Man Matches. Hopefully we’ll have more between these two men, maybe not soon, but at some point before too long.

Either way, Bryan worked the ring for over thirty-two minutes of the last hour of RAW, and carried it like it was nothing, punctuating it all by being powerbombed through a table. Bryan really is an impressive man, and will be carrying the WWE before too long, and for years to come – no matter how much hair is on his face.

After all that, I’m continually brought back to that Miz TV segment shoved into the middle of RAW. What a glorious clusterfluffle! As if Miz’s corniness wasn’t bad enough, all the Divas looked either too stiff to be sexy, or too bored for me to care about watching them.

The two best segments of the night ended the show. Actually, it was most of the last hour of the show, proving that the flow of RAW was again utter crap. I think McMahon really needs to step back and keep from over-thinking every little detail of the show, and let creative get some work done without the nit-picking that throws the entire show into such upheaval. Hopefully they will be able to reign McMahon in, before he really messes with RAW in a way that hurts the WWE.