Total Bellas, Episode 1: A Recap, John Cena's house rules and more

Happy family or mortal enemies? 

Showdown In The Backyard

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A classic Tampian Standoff
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Brie’s solution is to build a fenced-in dog run in the backyard of the guest house so their adorable french bulldog can run around and relieve some stress from the constant fear of Cena.

This is an excellent idea. What’s not an excellent idea is NOT ASKING JOHN’S PERMISSION. Nikki catches them and after being thrown that her twin sister is wearing a similar outfit, she gets super serious/mad and shuts the project down.

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At this point I don’t even blame Nikki for her mini-boss attitude anymore, she’s just scared that her boyfriend, final boss Cena, might actually be a serial killer and any little thing will set him off. I’m struggling to figure out if Cena is a sociopath or a psychopath. Is there a combination of the two that also gives you healing powers?

Regardless, my favourite part of the episode happens after Brie falls to the will of Nikki of Cena House and abandons her plans of a fence.

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During the show, Brie says to Nikki, “Maybe you should go change your shirt so you don’t look like me.”

While wandering off Nikki replies, “Yeah? Well maybe YOU should go change...yer...shirt...and I need to go to the drycleaners in like 15 minutes.”

Adults.

Brie is DONE and wants to go home. Bryan continues to think about shoes. Nikki throws Brie, Bryan, and JJ under the bus about the dog fence and then tells John everyone is terrified of him.

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This surprises Possible Hoarder Of Dead Bodies John Cena. John, who prefers cats, says, “Who, me?” and offers to talk in a silly voice. Brie says she doesn’t need him to talk in a silly voice but I think I do. It would make recapping these episodes so much more fun.

Killer John apologises to the family at the second or third DAFD this episode, for being void of feelings and vows to try harder, as long as they don’t mess up, ever again. This is going to be a fun season.

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In Conclusion:

-Brie and Nikki are basically pawns in a Bryan/Cena power struggle. Pawns that never stop talking.-Daniel Bryan is the best. Period.-JJ is surprisingly cool for being a Bella. He’s playing both sides while staying neutral. Let’s see how long that lasts.

Johnny and Kathy are fine with whatever and sort of just there, but Kathy’s already flirting with elimination by not making her bed.

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Before the end of the season, Cena will no-sell feelings and destroy everyone. Starting with Josie. Poor Josie.

Is this the end for Josie Bella?
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Join me next week for Episode 2, if I’m not committed to a Floridian Arkham before then.

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