Plenty Of Booze At The Hotel Naples, FL
Once at the hotel, the girls and JJ spill champagne all over their suite and a new girl or two I don’t recognise are there. One of them might be Lexie, Lauren’s sister, but I can’t tell, they all look the same.
So it’s off to the pool for playful splashing, old man ball-sighting, waterslides, and the weirdest lap dance I’ve ever seen, from surprise guest, Johnny Ace! Johnny basically just waved his open shirt in Kathy’s blindfolded face while Brie grabbed at her boobs. That’s how they did it in the olden days when families ate dinner together, dammit, so that’s how JA does it.
After Brie breaks out Brie Mode and everyone is completely drunk and irresponsible with Nikki’s neck, we wrap up the episode with the twins realizing, or being told, that Nikki just misses her sister, because now that they only film at least two TV shows together and live in the same house and have dinner once a week at minimum, multiple brunches, vacations in Naples and tandem pedicures, they never get to spend time together.
We also learn that Bryan is planning on moving to Aberdeen, Washington for three months by himself because the producers know exactly how to ruin my day.
So, to recap, Bryan has potentially left the show, JJ is currently on the outs with me for being a know-it-all brat, Cena still hasn’t completely updated his social mainframe, Johnny Ace has now moved into the top two on my People I Can Tolerate list, and Nikki snuck in a win for this episode.
Join me next week, after I have my wife hide the knives, because it doesn’t look like it’s gonna get any better anytime soon.
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