There’s an old saying that goes something like “Stand up comedians wanna be rock stars and rock stars wanna be stand up comedians.” And that’s true for the most part. It also made me realise that pro wrestlers want to enter politics and world leaders want to be pro wrestlers. Some, more than others. That had me thinking about which world leaders could potentially have been in the field of sports entertainment.
5: Barack Obama
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President Obama is cool as hell. He’s tough (he has to be to have been the first black President of the US). He has a razor sharp wit and a stand-up comedian’s delivery. President Obama also seems like he’d probably have a cigarette with you on the porch of a really lame party, talking smack about the host’s weak attempt at a fruit punch.
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That alone would make him a great candidate for at least a King of the Ring crown but it doesn’t stop there. He has the perfect valet/manager, his wife Michelle. She’s strong-willed, loyal, and can choke the life out of you with those arms. Oh, and she’s gorgeous.
4: Rodrigo "Rody" Roa Duterte
It’s like this dude was BORN to be a pro wrestler, a true heel at that. The President of The Philippines has more than one nickname, or “ring name,” and one of them is ‘The Punisher’. Wow! Another invokes memories of a bonafide legend of wrestling. Duterte is such a badass that even the bad guys are scared of him. He has ties to an actual Death Squad that he used to make the murder capital of his island country a peaceful paradise for tourists. TOURISTS! He used violent vigilantes to give a boost to the economy. So I guess he could play heel or face, depending on who you ask.
3: Angela Merkel
The Chancellor of Germany has an extensive background in both politics and science. So not only is she cunning, conniving, stubborn, and a world traveler, but she’s also book smart. Forbes has named her “the most powerful woman in the world” a record TEN TIMES. She even already has a signature hand gesture. Recently she’s been letting refugees into Germany, in the face of criticism, under the assumption that they will support her political platform. She has an open door policy for the millions of people fleeing from other countries. Kind of like the NWO. during the Monday Night Wars. The only thing she’s scared of is dogs, so what did Vladimir Putin do when they met...?
2: Vladimir Putin
...he brought a dog to the meeting. Because Putin is an intimidator. A classic heel move for any pro wrestler, the current President of the Russian Federation is, well, a classic heel. He’s the only person in the world who Forbes thinks is more powerful than Merkel. He’s a bully who actively denies basic human rights, invades whatever county he doesn’t like or thinks said something mean about him, is obsessed with being quite manly. The dude clearly hates shirts too. He’s a bad guy’s bad guy. Also, you know, he’s already been on WWE television thanks to Lana and Rusev.
1: Justin Trudeau
JT is already half way there. Look at him all tattooed and handsome, ready to throw down as long as he doesn’t mess up his hair. If he was a pro wrestler (although I’m not 100% sure he’s not already) he’d be the NXT Champion. He’s the embodiment of the hip, cool crowd that makes up the new era of wrestlers. The Prime Minister of Canada would be Tyler Breeze if Breeze ever won anything. And he is over. Hugely popular, he’s a star with power, and that makes for a very effective wrestler. He will show off his feats of strength and then literally punch you in the face. He spends a fair amount of time in the boxing ring and when he’s not punchin’ jerks and making ladies swoon he’s sticking up for human rights and equality for all people, thus making more ladies swoon. He’s a babyface through and through. He is the leader of America’s jaunty party hat and his finishing move would be called The Right Honourable. He probably drinks beer too.
