#5: 30-MAN ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH.
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Howard Finkel announces that 60,477 fans are in attendance for The Royal Rumble PPV. Maybe now is the right time to go and get that drink you’ve been itching for. Here we go!
Entrant 1. CRUSH
A female WWE star said her life is in danger. Details HERE
Crush makes his way into the ring accompanied by members of The Nation of Domination. And then, entrant number two makes his entrance, and boy, if Vince McMahon ever wants you to believe that the Royal Rumble draws are legit— he’s lying, because…
Entrant 2. AHMED JOHNSON
…How convenient.
Entrant 3. (FAKE) RAZOR RAMON
A Razor Ramoan from an alternate universe makes his way to the ring. However, I was not expecting him to enter when he did. Why? Well here’s why— there was no countdown clock that appeared on my screen before Fake Razor’s arrival. Neither did the audience count backward before his entrance.
To clear the confusion, Vince McMahon from commentary quickly informs that they are having problems with the countdown clock. Huh, imagine if that happened in 2018— people wouldn’t stop talking about it for the next ten years.
Nevertheless, Fake Razor enters the ring and stays in it for about a solid 17 seconds to have the honor of being the first eliminated by Ahmed Johnson.
But the craziness does not stop there. We are once again reminded that N.O.D members, including Farooq, are positioned ringside. Therefore, when Farooq causes a source of distraction to his current rival Ahmed Johnson— the NFL star turned Pro-Wrestler jumps out of the ring to chase Farooq backstage, hence eliminating himself in this process.
Crush is left alone in the ring. I mean…C’mon!
Entrant 4. PHINEAS GODWINN
The countdown clock is still not working…
Entrant 5. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN
Here comes the rattlesnake, only to be met by a dead crowd reaction (probably because the clock is not working yet).
However, Austin gets into the ring and sells a clothesline by Godwinn like a million bucks. He livens up the audience and breathes life into this situation currently.
Godwinn eliminates Crush. However, he underestimates Austin— as the rattlesnake lays Phineas Godwinn with a Stunner immediately. Austin eliminates Godwinn.
So Austin is alone in the ring, and here is why he truly compliments his character. Just after eliminating Goodwinn, Austin sits on the top rope, pretending to check his made-up watch in a satirical manner, waiting for the next entrant.
He is secretly mocking the fact that the countdown clock is not working, however, the timing is impeccable, as the clock immediately starts working just when Stone Cold is mocking the botched situation itself!
The audience finally starts counting backward from 10…
Entrant 6. BART GUNN
Gunn comes in and stays for about 26 seconds, as Austin clotheslines him to the floor.
Stone Cold is once again alone in the ring, as he checks his imaginary wristwatch for the next entrant to arrive…
Entrant 7. JAKE “THE SNAKE” ROBERTS
Jake Roberts is met with a huge crowd reception. Plus, Roberts and Austin have a huge history too, because it was Austin’s promo after defeating Jake Roberts in the 1996 King of The Ring finals that put him on the map.
Jake puts the rattlesnake down (get it?) and the crowd wants a DDT. They’re literally chanting for it. But…
Entrant 8. THE BRITISH BULLDOG
…we see the Bulldog make his entrance, and that is exactly when Jake Roberts is eliminated over the top rope— off-screen. Poor guy.
Austin and the Bulldog have a good back and forth, after all, Austin cost him a match against Rocky Maivia last week on RAW.
If there’s anyone on top of The Hart Family’s watch-list, it is Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Entrant 9. PIERROTH
Who? Remember, WWF is in partnership with AAA. Pierroth is a luchador. Unfortunately for Pierroth, Austin and The British Bulldog team up to make sure that this guy isn’t going anywhere other than over the top-rope.
Interesting turn of events for The Hart Family-Steve Austin angle.
Entrant 10. THE SULTAN
The Sultan is accompanied by Iron Sheik. Interestingly, the Sultan is none other than Rikishi under a mask.
He gets in and goes right after the luchador.
Entrant 11. MIL MASCARAS
What! For those who don’t know, Mil Mascaras is an all-time legend. Check him out sometime. Adding to my surprise, even the crowd pops real hard when Mil Mascaras enters the ring. They know who he is.
He attacks the Sultan, who in turn manages to get the better of Mascaras with a belly-to-back suplex…
Entrant 12. HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY
The Sultan is eventually eliminated by The British Bulldog. HHH is ALMOST eliminated by Austin. The ring is getting crowded.
Entrant 13. OWEN HART
Finally, Owen Hart and The British Bulldog work together on eliminating the redneck (Steve Austin) who is a top-most threat to them after what happened last week.
But, surprise, surprise- Owen accidentally eliminates The British Bulldog. He insists that it was an accident, but the slow-mo replay tells a different story entirely— as Vince points out. The plot thickens…
Entrant 14. GOLDUST
The Bizzare One, accompanied by Marlena, makes his way to the ring, aiming for HHH.
However, Steve Austin acts as a roadblock for Goldust. Some other time Dustin, perhaps some other time…
Entrant 15. CIBERNETICO
Another luchador. Speaking of the Mexican flair we have going on right now— the legend Mil Mascaras and Pierroth eliminate Cibernetico, after which Mascaras manages to eliminate Pierroth by himself.
And here’s where things get interesting, and bizarre, yet again. Mascaras heads towards the top rope after eliminating Pierroth. The audience, me, and perhaps you— the reader, assume that Mascaras will dive onto somebody in the ring.
But no, Mascaras dives outside and delivers a cross-body to the wrestler he just eliminated seconds ago— Pierroth.
Did Mil Mascaras accidentally eliminate himself? Mascaras is dumbfounded because apparently, he was not aware of the rules (laughing internally). The referees inform him and even try to stop Mascaras from getting back into the ring.
Even Vince and his co-commentators snicker on commentary. What a comical situation. We can make out his disappointed expression under that mask.
So much for the legend…
Entrant 16. MARC MERO
Goldust eliminates HHH, and the crowd pops hard. At last, Dustin got revenge in some form or another.
Owen Hart uses an enzuiguri on Steve Austin. Enzuiguri seemed to be a huge thing back then because the crowd loves it.
Entrant 17. LATIN LOVER
He is Latin. He is a lover. He is a luchador. He is a luchador who is mask-less.
If that does not answer all of your questions, well then, you need to know that this guy works STIFF. You can clearly make out that distinct ‘THWACK’ sound when he delivers a kick.
Nevertheless, Owen Hart almost eliminates Goldust, but the sequence looks odd, probably because Goldust was supposed to go over the top rope. My doubts are confirmed when Owen sends Goldust out of the ring immediately after that.
Entrant 18. FAROOQ
The Nation of Domination leader comes in and quickly eliminates the Latin Lover.
Here is where things turn around pretty fast. The Ahmed Johnson/Farooq storyline converges at this point when Johnson (who eliminated himself by going after Farooq early on) storms in with a 2x4 to attack Farooq.
Farooq realizes the danger, and runs away from him, outside of the ring, therefore eliminating himself.
Austin eliminates Marc Mero & Owen Hart off-screen.
Ahmed Johnson eliminated himself. Farooq eliminated himself. Mil Mascaras eliminated himself.
Trifecta.
Eliminations everywhere! And after all the chaos is over, we realize that Steve Austin is once again, alone in the ring— all by himself. What now?
Entrant 19. SAVIO VEGA
The timing is impeccable, I repeat— the timing is impeccable. Vega and Austin go back to WrestleMania 12, and with Austin alone in the ring, this makes for a great back-and-forth sequence.
After putting on a great course of events, Austin manages to clothesline Vega over the top rope. In this way, WWF has managed to converge two storylines one after the other (Johnson-Farooq, Austin-Vega).
Austin is alone in the ring. How far can the rattlesnake go?
Entrant 20. JESSE JAMES
Jesse James, you must ask— who? Well, Jesse James is none other than the person we all love to hate for today’s creative problems, ‘Road Dogg’ Jesse James.
However, he is not quite the ‘outlaw’ yet. As a matter of fact, he comes out to a country tune, which is definitely not a characteristic feature of an outlaw.
You must remember, the Attitude Era is not in full-force yet, and a lot of characters lack the attitude to qualify for that era, including Mr. Jesse James.
Nevertheless, Austin single-handedly eliminates Jesse James. Austin is once again, alone in the ring. Let’s hope that the next entrant does not complicate matters further, at least for Stone Cold Steve Austin…
Entrant 21. BRET “THE HITMAN” HART
At this point, even you must have realized that Stone Cold has a lot of Bad Blood with countless superstars even before reaching his peak superstardom.
But it had to be Bret Hart, his most fierce, current rival as of yet, and Austin has an expression of the most shocked superstar on his face. Great.
Both of them have an amazing sequence which lights the crowd on fire (not literally). Hart gets the better of Austin, but the redneck has not been eliminated yet…
That is when…
Entrant 22. JERRY “THE KING” LAWLER
‘I told you, McMahon!’
Jerry Lawler takes off his headset, gets up from the commentary table, and heads inside the ring, only to be eliminated by Bret Hart in a span of four seconds.
But what happens next is the part that actually cracked me up. After being eliminated, Jerry Lawler rushes back to the table and puts the headset back on so fast, as if nothing really happened in the first place.
Throughout the rest of the match, Vince and JR mock Lawler, occasionally asking if he’s alright in the head.
Entrant 23. (FAKE) DIESEL
Jerry “The Butt-hurt” Lawler turns on Bret Hart during the commentary and the match proceeds at a stable pace.
Entrant 24. TERRY FUNK
The Hardcore Icon is here! But he is already half-way through the entrance ramp even before the countdown is over.
The match progresses at a moderate pace. However just before the next entrant arrives, Terry Funk hits one of the ‘weakest’ piledrivers on Bret Hart in the history of professional wrestling. The reader must note that I did not use the word ‘botched’. This is only because that specific piledriver was genuinely weak.
Entrant 25. ROCKY MAIVIA
The pace has slowed down a lot. Perhaps it is needed for what is about to come. You simply cannot cramp all of your best sequences in one single match, otherwise, it gets bloated…
Entrant 26. MANKIND
Mankind and Terry Funk share an insane history full of hardcore moments even before this point in time. The commentary team picks up on that too.
Entrant 27. FLASH FUNK
Unlike Terry Funk’s weak piledriver, Bret Hart delivers an amazing one to Stone Cold Steve Austin.
But I shudder. Why? Because I shudder each and every time somebody drops Stone Cold right on his head. You know why.
Entrant 28. VADER
Its Vader time, as the mastodon joins in on the tradition of beating Steve Austin to the pulp.
Steve Austin still hangs on.
Entrant 29. HENRY GODWINN
Henry Godwinn enters into the foray and single-handedly manages to take down Vader with a clothesline.
The end is nigh….GONG!
Entrant 30. THE UNDERTAKER
The dead-man walks towards the ring, surrounded by mystique.
We all know that he is going for Vader. It is important to note that it was at this point when the ring was most populated throughout the entire match.
Steve Austin, Bret Hart, Henry Godwinn, Rocky Maivia, (Fake) Diesel, Terry Funk, Flash Funk, The Undertaker, Vader, and Mankind.
Find something similar? More than half of the people currently in the ring are going to be the leading names in WWF’s upcoming revolution that is going to change this industry for good.
Also, one of them is going to win the 1997 Royal Rumble.
‘Taker knocks Vader down and does the same to Mankind and Steve Austin.
Austin and Vader get choke-slammed. The dead-man then goes out to attack (Fake) Diesel a.k.a Glenn Jacobs a.k.a his onscreen brother in the near-future.
Vader performs a fallaway slam on Flash Funk, not in the ring, but he throws the poor guy right outside. Undertaker eliminates Henry Godwinn. Mankind uses the Mandible Claw on Rocky Maivia and drives him over the top-rope, thus, eliminating him.
Mankind and Terry Funk finally get a good back-and-forth, with Mankind emerging victorious by eliminating his rival, Terry Funk. However, The Undertaker eliminates Mankind right after that.
But hey, Terry Funk and Mankind are not your ‘usual’ WWF Superstars. Both of them start brawling outside the ring even though they have been eliminated already, because, why not? They’re hardcore rivals after all.
This prompts a horde of referees trying to separate these two apart, and this is where the climax of this match takes place—
- Bret ‘The Hitman’ Hart actually manages to eliminate Stone Cold Steve Austin.
- However, Austin gets right back in, without any officials to stop him. Why?
- You see, since each and every official was busy separating Mankind and Terry Funk apart, they did not notice Steve Austin being eliminated from the match.
- So technically, Steve Austin is still in the match. He surprises Vader and The Undertaker by eliminating them from behind.
- Three superstars remain. Bret Hart has no idea about Steve Austin, so he eliminates (Fake) Diesel over the top-rope.
- Unbeknownst to Bret, Steve Austin is already behind him, and without wasting any time, Stone Cold pushes Bret Hart right over the top just as soon as the latter is done with (Fake) Diesel.
Stone Cold Steve Austin is your 1997 Royal Rumble winner!
All of this happens in a fury of seconds, and everybody is in disbelief, especially Bret Hart.
You bet Jerry Lawler is having the time of his life, now that he’s anti-Bret.
Bret Hart rushes back into the ring and manhandles the referee. What follows is one of those rare sights that breaks the normal tradition of what usually happens after these Royal Rumble matches—
There is no celebration. The winner of the 30-Man Royal Rumble, Steve Austin has already left the ring, whilst the runner-up, occupies the ring, demanding answers.
There is only confusion and chaos (and Bret Hart)…
The Hitman even grabs Vince by the collar and demands an explanation from him. Of course, Vince McMahon is not a full-fledged character yet, so he does not respond with anything.
Looking back at it, the finish of this Royal Rumble match is one of the most replayed moments in Austin’s career. However, this certainly WAS NOT the case back then.
It is not true that each and every fan in that arena started magically boarding the Austin hype train. No. People were dumbfounded too.
You can look behind the commentary table after the match gets over, and there are fans booing right into the camera so much so, that even Vince has to acknowledge that the fans are unhappy.
Moreover, this was easily one of the sloppier Royal Rumble matches in history. There were some great moments in there, but the legendary finish does not change the fact that the former half of this match suffered from a lot of kinks.
But yes, there were many memorable moments and sequences throughout its entirety. Only time will tell what is to be and what is not…
RESULT: Stone Cold Steve Austin wins the 30-Man Royal Rumble Match.
