The Bible of IPL Tweeting

IPL. Like it or hate it, you are going to end up watching it, either to celebrate the best format of Cricket or to mourn the non-existence of real cricket, depending on your personal choices. Everything else, regardless of its importance, takes a backseat during the months of April and May. The media is buzzing with the close finishes, upsets, Yes Bank sixes, hat-tricks, midnight parties, etc. Sidhu laughs for the most un-funniest of jokes, Ajay Jadeja tries to act corny, the “phoren” dancers do their best Jhamping Jhapaks, the IPL hosts try to look genuinely interested for the 2 months, every second person is talking about the close contest last evening. Everyone is having fun.

There is one more section of people who jump into the IPL bandwagon, willingly or unwillingly. They are the tweeters, or Tweeps. Armchair selectors, fan girls, naysayers, self-made experts, common junta right up to someone who may not even know what IPL stands for. Everyone is keen to have their voices heard and bombard Twitter’s server. These people have had such an influence on the IPL that the IPL’s official website has a count of the number of tweets. And as of now, it is a mind boggling 3 and a half million. They even have a twitter battle between teams playing on a given day. Twitter and IPL have built up quite a strong relation. It will be of no surprise if Twitter offers to have a separate server just for IPL tweets.

So, I thought, why not build a Twitter drafts database which may help these tweeters in the future. There are quite a few tweets which can be rehashed over every season of the IPL, with a little bit of tweaks. This article will act as a bible for all IPL tweeters. Copy-paste the drafts from here, make the changes relevant to the match and voila! You are an IPL tweeter. To make it easier, few of the drafts will have examples going with it.

1) Legend X bowling with Legend Y and Legend Z on the crease. This is why the IPL is awesome #IPL

Example – Murali bowling with Sachin and Ponting on the crease. This is why the IPL is awesome #IPL

2) Oh! Stunning shot that. Why did Legend X ever retire? #IPL

Example – Oh! Did you see that straight drive. Why did Dravid ever retire? #IPL

3) Why is Player X not in the team. He is such a great talent. #IPL

Example – Why is Parveez Rasool not playing. He is such a great talent. #IPL

4) Player X does not deserve to be the captain. He is a waste of a spot in the team #IPL

Example – Angelo Matthews does not deserve to be the captain. He is a waste of a spot in the team.

5) Player X bowling to Player Y, while playing for Indian teams. Only in #IPL

Example – Dale Steyn bowling to Jacques Kallis, while playing for Indian teams. Only in #IPL

6) Awwwww. Player X is so hot. I hope he scores a century today. XOXOXO #IPL

Example – Awwwww. Virat Kohli is so hot. I hope he scores a century today. XOXOXO #IPL

7) Never did I think that I will see player X and Y hugging it out. Thanks #IPL

Example – Never did I think that I will see Bhajji and Punter hugging it out. Thanks #IPL

8) OMG! How did CSK manage to win this match? Surely the IPL is fixed #IPL

(This tweet is a mandate for the huge Anti-CSK brigade)

9) Player X is worth Y million $? What a joke. #IPL

Example – Glen Maxwell is worth 1.2 million $? What a joke. #IPL

10) Team X is clearly missing Player Y. Wish he was with the team #IPL

Example – Delhi Daredevils is clearly missing Kevin Pietersen. Wish he was with the team #IPL

11) Why is Player X not in the national team? He is an immense player #IPL

Example – Why is Dinesh Karthik not in the Indian team? He is an immense player.

12) #IPL is destroying the sanctity of Cricket. Ban IPL. Test Cricket FTW

(A tweet for Purists, or people claiming to be one)

13) Wow. Deepika Padukone is looking so pretty in Team X’s jersey #IPL

(The Team changes every year)

14) Damn. I don’t have Player X in my Fantasy League Team. Blunder #IPL

Example – Damn. I don’t have Rohit Sharma in my Fantasy League Team. Blunder #IPL

15) The IPL is missing Pakistani players big time. Why does Sports have to mix with Politics #IPL

(This one is for the self-proclaimed neutral, diplomatic, trying to look cool tweeps)

16) I miss player X #IPL

Example – I miss Dada #IPL

17) Player X rocks #IPL

Example – Dada rocks #IPL

18) Player X is the best captain ever #IPL

Example – Dada is the best captain ever #IPL

19) Sachin is God #IPL

20) Sachin should not retire #IPL

The last couple of tweets are relevant in the Twitter world along with any hash-tag. I am quite sure this will come in handy for everyone out there, right from the IPL tweeting legends to the wannabe IPL tweeters.

Note: This article is written in humour and is not intended to hurt the feelings of fellow tweeps.