Parenting advice from Hall of Fame swimmers

I was standing on the pool deck this past Tuesday at some ungodly hour, talking to a veteran Olympic coach about swimmers’ parents and he highlighted a really important concept that I’d like to share with you.

He said that the times have changed and the roles of parents and coaches have been skewed. Coaches are now in essence, adopting the parents’ role as the child’s disciplinarian and the parents are increasingly more involved in coaching their kids from the sidelines.

The paragraph above is not exactly what comes to mind when I think of the term “healthy relationship” and it might be more accurately described as a recipe for disaster.

“The swimmers I’ve had who have had the most success were unencumbered by parents calling the shots behind the scenes. These parents are very good about backing up their kids, but they are hands off when it comes to swimming business.” – John Collins, ASCA Hall of Fame Coach, coached multiple Olympic Gold Medallists

As a parent, a hands-off approach doesn’t come easy and I know your head is probably swimming with questions, so I brought in two of the greatest swimmers in the world to answer them: Janet Evans and Aaron Peirsol. (I didn’t actually bring them in, but as I was writing this post, they were live on a USA Swimming webcast, giving parenting advice. Timing cannot get any more perfect than that!)

Before I include their answers, just so you know, at the time of this post, Aaron is the world’s fastest backstroker, still holding multiple backstroke records and Janet is known as the world’s best long-distance swimmer as she held freestyle distance records for 20+ years.

In their interview with Rowdy Gaines, Aaron Peirsol said the most important gift his parents ever gave him was allowing home to be home. Growing up, his family rarely discussed swimming and here below is how Aaron described a typical post-practice conversation:

Parent: How was practice?

Aaron: It was good.

Parent: Good. What do you want for dinner?

Reflecting back to his childhood, Aaron Piersol realises that most importantly, he needed home to be home and to be among people who clearly loved him despite his performance.

In response to a question concerning the line between pushing and coaching a young athlete, Janet said her parents were realistic and told her that if she wanted to quit swimming tomorrow, she could. They also made it quite clear to her that if she was going to swim, she would have to do it right.

Yes, the goal here is to raise fast athletes, but more importantly, our aim is to raise healthy successful athletes.

When Debbie Phelps, mother of Michael Phelps, was asked about his world-record time in the 200 butterfly event, she responded, “I’m not sure, 1:50 something?” In reading Michael’s bio, there is no question that Debbie was great at providing support, but when it came to his times, she let the coaches do their job. If the mother of one of the greatest swimmers of all time doesn’t know his world-record time, then it might be okay to cut your age-group swimmer some slack.

In the middle of the interview with Janet and Aaron, Rowdy Gaines (a three-time Olympic gold medallist himself and hall of fame swimmer) made the following comment:

“In the history of swimming in the USA, only two 10 year-old record holders have ever made the Olympic team. If the child doesn’t enjoy it, they won’t last.”

I used these examples just to illustrate a point and give you some parenting advice, but you do not have to copy them. As a matter of fact, you shouldn’t copy them because your athlete is different. Your children are not Michael Phelps, Aaron Peirsol or Janet Evans; they are your children and you owe it to them to do what’s best for them. If you are not sure what to do, you should schedule a chat with the coach of your team. I’m sure they would love to help you figure out a winning recipe.

In the meantime, practice these two simple starting points to raising a successful athlete:

- Allow home to be home.

- Leave the coaching to the coach and you provide the support.

Go ahead and master those two steps!