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Tom Brady woke up and chose violence on Sunday night during the live Netflix special "The Roast of Tom Brady."
The seven-time Super Bowl champion had shots ready. The 15-minute segment from Tom Brady was hilarious, and fans across social media thoroughly enjoyed the roast.
In case you missed it, here's every joke Tom Brady mentioned, taking aim at every person in the room, from his former teammates to comedians and actors.
Tom Brady gives his take on Bill Belichick debate
The debate of "Who was influential in the Patriots dynasty - Tom Brady or Bill Belichick?" will go on for ages. But the seven-time Super Bowl champion decided to play around with it.
"I've been out of the game for a minute. So I'm curious 'how many Super Bowl rings have you won since I left?' Maybe it's not just the guy on the sideline. When I go to the Indy 500, I don't ask the winning driver, 'hey, who gassed up your car?'"
Tom Brady takes dig at Gisele Bundchen
Tom Brady had jokes for his ex-wife Gisele Bundchen. The duo divorced in October 2022, ending their 13-year marriage.
It was reported that Brady's desire to keep playing football was among the reasons that led to the decision. Brady retired in February 2022 but announced his unretirement six weeks later.
Brady joked that he still misses the love of his life - football.
"There have been a lot of jokes tonight, but the truth is, I missed the love of my life - Football."
Tom Brady roasts Kim Kardashian and takes dig at Kanye West
Tom Brady didn't hold back in roasting Kim Kardashian and taking a jab at Kanye West.
He said that Kardashian was terrified of being at the show because her kids were at home with her ex-husband West. The joke instantly went viral and took social media by storm.
“I know Kim was terrified to be here tonight … not because of this but because her kids are at home with their dad.”
Tom Brady drags Roger Goodell and seemingly admits role in Deflategate
Tom Brady looks like he has admitted his role in Deflategate. On Sunday, during Netflix's live show in Los Angeles, Brady joked about how Roger Goodell and the NFL handled the infamous saga.
“Remember Deflategate?” Brady asked. “The NFL spent $20 million and found that it was more probable than not that I was generally aware and someone may have deflated my footballs. You could have just given me the $20 million, and I would have just told you I f–king did it.
Tom Brady stuns Rob Gronkowski with Aaron Hernandez joke
Rob Gronkowski is regarded as the greatest tight end in the NFL by many. He spent nine out of his 11 seasons in the NFL with the Patriots.
Brady joked that Gronkowski was good because of the low bar for TEs, among which "not murdering" people was a requirement. He referred to Aaron Hernandez, who was convicted of murder.
"Despite everything we've seen here tonight. Gronk was actually useful on the field. Although the bar for Patriot tight ends was pretty low back then. Block. Catch. Don't Murder."
Julian Edelman catches strays from Tom Brady
Julian Edelman had great chemistry with Tom Brady on the field. The NFL icon joked by calling Edelman a "stalker."
"Bro you can live in my guest house. Swim in my pool; try on my f**king jogger, any other sick sh*t you do when I'm not around. But you're f**king stalker bro. You'll never be me. Ever."
Randy Moss gets obliterated by Tom Brady
Randy Moss played four seasons with the Patriots. He's one of the greatest wide receivers to never win a championship. Brady roasted Moss, claiming he asked him for a Super Bowl ring.
"Can you believe that guy up here begging me 'T-boy give me one of your rings.' Give you ring? B**ch please. You'd be lucky if I sent you a text."
Tom Brady roasts Bill Belichick for "sneaking out of girl's house"
Tom Brady poked fun at Bill Belichick for allegedly sneaking out of a girl's house at 6 am.
"Everybody asked me which ring is my favorite? I used to say that next one. But now that I'm retired, my favorite ring is the camera that Coach Belichick sneaking out of that poor girl's house at 6am a few months ago. Ayy you still got it. Respect baby."
Bill Belichick went viral when a camera recorded the former Patriots HC leaving a home.
Tom Brady roasts Peyton Manning, Brett Favre
Brady started off his segment firing shots at his long-term rival and NFL icon Peyton Manning. The two went head-to-head 17 times during their careers. But with Brady holding the upper hand with 11 wins, he let Peyton know that.
"I know sometimes you live in Denver, and sometimes you live in Louisiana. But you will always live in my shadow."
Brady also reminisced about their long rivalry by taking a dig at Brett Favre and Antonio Cromartie.
"When Peyton and I started playing, Brett Favre was still faxing his d**k pics. And Antonio Cromartie had only one kid.”
Brett Favre was once accused of sending his d**k pic to Jenn Sterger, who was a "Playboy" model and TV personality, before joining the New York Jets.
Tom Brady throws shade at late OJ Simpson
Brady decided to also throw shade at the late OJ Simpson over his infamous white Ford Bronco police chase.
"When I heard there was a slow white Bronco heading down the 405 to come here tonight, I thought we might actually see a real football legend," Brady said.
OJ Simpson died on April 10, 2023 due to prostate cancer.
Tom Brady makes wild 9/11 joke involving Drew Bledsoe
It's known that Tom Brady replaced an injured Drew Bledsoe as the starting quarterback for the New England Patriots.
Bledsoe suffered a freak injury on Sept. 23, 2001, weeks after the infamous 9/11 attack. Brady, during his roast, made fun of Bledsoe.
"Like the rest of America, always remember where I was that fateful day in September of 2001 when tragically those two jets slammed into Drew Bledsoe," Brady joked.
Brady flexes his Super Bowl victories and pokes fun at Peyton Manning
Tom Brady won seven Super Bowls in his NFL career, and Peyton Manning won two. The former Patriots quarterback poked fun at the Broncos legend for having fewer championships while also explaining why he decided to agree to the roast.
"People ask 'Tom, why would you do this roast now? It's simple. I can take all the hits. I would have done this earlier, but I've just been too busy winning championships, which explains why Peyton did this roast eight years ago."
Kevin Hart was another victim of Tom Brady's roast
Kevin Hart was next in line for Brady. The NFL icon missed the 2008 season due to a torn ACL and MCL on his left knee. Brady addressed his weak knees and said that it was because he requested Netflix to change the host to legendary comedian Dave Chappelle.
"I've heard some people talk about me having bad knees. You know my knees are so f**ked up Kevin, because I spent so many goddamn hours on the floor begging Netflix to get Chappelle to host this. F**k you Kevin."
Tom Brady rips Bills Mafia, Eagles, Colts and Giants fans
Tom Brady had a lot of time, so he took his time to settle scores. Brady took aim at the fans of the Bills, Eagles, Colts and Giants.
“I’m trying to buy the Raiders. I’m tired of owning the Colts and the Bills.”
"How can you call yourselves the (Bills) Mafia? At least the mafia has a ring you can kiss."
“Screw Colts fans! Colts are just Broncos who don’t f***.”
"Philly fans are a bunch of racist a**holes."
Tom Brady takes dig at Taylor Swift and Chiefs fans
Taylor Swift and the Chiefs were also among the victims of Tom Brady's roast. The NFL icon threw shade at Chiefs Kingdom, joking that their fans were 14-year-old girls and brushed off the team's successful run in recent years.
“Kansas City, you say your stadium is the loudest. It helps when your fans are 14-year-old girls … in honor of TAY TAY (Taylor Swift). … Let's take a look at the Chiefs Eras; Terrible for 50 years, good for 5. Shake it off.”
The full episode is available on Netflix.
